April 29, 2007

• Mostly a whole lot of nothing…

  Well, yesterday I spent 10 hours helping with the Science Olympiad.  Six of those hours I was standing selling t-shirts to foolish parents.  My shins are pretty angry with me.  Regardless, if was fun and it made me remember all the goofy-fun times I had in high school winning little medals and hanging with my nerdier classmates at math and science competitions.  Those were some good times.  I also met an interesting mechanical engineering body builder guy who was only there because he had to do 10 hours of community service for rearending a little sedan at a stoplight.  He had this theory that if he thought about anything hard enough, it would happen for him.  A stupid theory, but I think that the underlying concept of postive thinking is very worthwhile, even if the belief that it will get you everything you want is a little unrealistic.  Overall, he proved enough entertainment for me to not make fun of him for being retardedly muscular.

  Yesterday was also the statewide music competitions, so repeat what I just said about the memories. 

  It’s so strange to think of all the things I’ve done in my life that won’t matter one bit at all in relation to anything else, but seemed so important at the time.  All the silly little high school clubs I was in, all the friends I made and subsequently lost contact with due to the meeting of more interesting people, all the boyfriends I had, all the video games I beat, all the clothing I grew out of, all that stuff.  None of it matters now.  No one cares about any of it…except maybe some of my nerdy friends caring the games I beat.  In fact, pretty much all the stuff I’m doing right now, all the clubs, the events, the playing of WoW, all of it won’t matter the instant I graduate from college and get a job.  It’s like each new step you take down the road of your life erases the importance of most of the steps leading up to it.  I mean, lots of the stuff I mentioned contributed to making me who I am, but really, if I had never done it, who would care?  What difference would it make?  I would still eventually get a job and have a life.  I guess what I’m getting at is that in the end, I should quit stressing out about things that will eventually not matter one little bit.  I’m going to work on that.

  Anyways, back to current events and away from my philosophical musings.  I tried talking to “Jason” two days ago on WoW.  His character logged on and I said hi, only to find out that it was actually Jason’s roommate playing Jason’s character, thus explaining why “Jason” hadn’t been talking to Mike like he usually did whenever he logged in.  Also, new information gathered from this roommate tells me that the reason Jason hasn’t been on AIM is not because he is avoiding me, but rather because he had slept a total of five hours in the three days before the day I talked to his roommate on WoW.  The poor thing is working himself to the bone to study for all his finals which are this week.  With this new knowledge, I can calm down and just wait until the end of the week before deciding that Jason hates me and will never talk to me again.  I am relaxed by this.  Today, all I’ve done is played WoW and taken my beautiful new HHR out for a drive to Panera Bread to enjoy me some cookies and salad.  I feel good.

  I’m really skinny now.  I noticed this morning.  All the forgetting to eat from stress, swimming to calm my nerves and playing DDR just to stomp has made me extremely attractive.  Hopefully, Jason will think so to because he WILL go on a date with me whether he wants to or not.  How unlucky for him that I am strangely obsessed with him and will stop at nothing to remove his clothing as well as understand his soul.

  On that note, perhaps I should speak a bit on Mike and recent developments in that direction.  Two nights ago, he and I went out to El Maguey and afterward we walked around campus.  He got touchy, but I was a little starved for such things so I allowed it.  We kissed and hugged and all that jazz as we wandered around near the columns and finally returned to my car so I could drive him back to his dorm.  When we got there he invited me up.  I agreed after thinking for a bit about what would happen and accepting the consequences.  We had sex and immediately afterward I was sad that we had.  I didn’t enjoy it.  I thought about Jason.  I wanted to run away.  I think this seals the fact that I am no longer in love with him.  He is a great person and a fine friend, but husband material he is no longer.  My mind has changed somehow over the past couple of months and I believe it to be irreversible.

  Anyway, last week of classes this week and then finals afterward.  May 11th I can move into my new apartment.  Things will change rapidly after this day and I am excited to see where it is I will end up.  I think it will be a wild ride.

  • 2:06 pm
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