July 16, 2008

• A grandiose return?

  I don’t really remember what was going on when I last blabbed on about my life, so I’ll start from now instead of trying to recap.

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  Everyone has a list of things to do before they die.  They may not have it written down or even really have it defined in their mind, but everyone knows when they’ve accomplished something extremely satisfying to themselves.

  I have two key cards that open doors at a nuclear reactor.  One is green and one is orange.  Soon the green one will be upgraded to a blue one.  I just have to wiggle them in front of a door and it opens.  It’s super satisfying for me.  Not only do I feel like I’m in a video game and could be shot for my key cards at any time, but I am also an actual researcher in a nuclear reactor. 

  I can scratch both having a key card to a restricted scientific area and being a research scientist off of my list.

  Yes.

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  I’m reasonably tired of a couple people.  I suppose it’s not particularly surprising that I met one through the other.  The problem is that it’s becoming apparent that we are different sorts of people.  I wonder what would happen if I just told them outright that I don’t really care about them anymore.  I mean, it would be no detriment for me since I no longer want to have anything to do with them.  I just don’t think I’m a big enough unapologetic douche to do so, but I guess even thinking about it makes me kind of a jerk.  I wonder if other people think about me even one tenth as much as I think about them, and by think about them I don’t mean the warm sweet kind of thinking.  I mean the critical, judgmental kind of thinking.  Perhaps my preoccupation with others fuels my dissatisfaction for them. 

  I think I just told myself to mind my own business in like a huge paragraph.

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  Our best friend moved to New York.  He calls almost every night and it makes me miss him that much more.  He was a giant, fun loving Jew and when I compare everyone else we hang out with to him they all come up short.  At least he’s keeping in touch and the fact that he calls so often leads me to believe he’s made few friends and is coming back some day.  At least I hope harder than I’ve ever hoped before that he is.  *sigh*

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  We’re starting a D&D 4th edition campaign with a 12-year-old ginger boy as our DM.  Nick, one of my coworkers at the ol’ nerd store, is also playing as well as two people we know from Warmachine League.  One is  an unemployed what I would term “artist” where artist means slightly messy but creative guy.  The other is a really loud 30ish dude who I hope quits before the first session.  When I read these last couple lines I think about what a motley little crew of misfits we are and I love it.  I’m sure the game will be fun regardless of whether we ever get anywhere.

  I might be joining a steampunk group as well.  We’ll see if that pans out for me.

  On that note, I painted a bunch of my Warmachine army and am a very prideful person and will post pictures if there is sufficient interest in my doing so.

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  Have I ever mentioned that I’m madly in love with this guy named Mike?  Well, I am.

  We were described as “a couple of Toys ‘R Us kids who just do whatever they want and are basically living a dream life because of it” and I think that sums it up well.  We do what we want and we only focus on serious problematic things when it is crucial to the continuation of us doing what we want.  It certainly does work out amazingly well 100% of the time.

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  I’ve promised myself that Saturday night I’m going to a local gay bar and I’m going to actually talk to girls.  I’m just as awkward as any 14-year-old, just had his first hard on in public young man when it comes to girls who might actually be interested in me.  I flounder on what clothing to wear and what smells to rub on myself and what girls want.  I think it’s because I know what I want and she doesn’t look like me, so I assume that other women won’t want me either.  Gawd, I put too much thought into everything I do.

  **************Summary****************

  (for those who are just joining us)

  I am:
  - a 21-year-old female chemical engineering senior.
  - engaged to a 21-year-old male computer science senior.
  - looking for a lady for us to share.
  - employed at a local game store.
  - currently researching for the university on ways to recycle nuclear waste and make solar energy more efficient.
  - playing Warcraft 3 too much.
  - playing Warmachine too little.
  - painting my miniatures so much that I have developed a callus on my thumb from popping paint pots open.
  - enjoying my fucking amazing life.

  • 7:47 pm
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