January 11, 2009

• I kind of feel like I haven’t made a happy or overly sexual post in a while.  Maybe that’s a good thing.  I think some of you have signed on since the times when I would discuss buttsecks with my partner and downloading futanari all day.  Regardless, I feel like outdoing myself today so cover your eyes if you don’t want your mind to be filled with mindless smut.
  
  Read between this red sentence and the green ones at your own risk.

  For several years now I’ve been living with a young man.  It’s been a long while since I talked about him in depth and I really think that cataloging my feelings for him every few months is something that I need for this blog to really be an archive of my life for future reference.  This is going to just be one big long paragraph so be prepared.  Over this last year his hair has gone from a sandy blond to a delicate shade of orange.  I tell him that he’s my viking because he has Norse blood in his background and I’m madly in love with the concept of vikings, much like I am with pirates (that’s right, ninjas can fuck off).  I also tell him he’s my paladin because his highest level character in World of Warcraft is a paladin, he always plays paladins in Dungeons and Dragons games and for some reason his glasses combined with his facial hair give him this air about him that just screams “bringer of justice, truth and honor.”  It also sometimes screams Amish but I honestly I’m also sort of in love with the concept of Amish society as well.  His eyes are this bright color of blue without looking fake and weird and they make him look very elven when he takes his glasses off because they are very wide but thin and just a bit slanted.  His cheekbones are high and I really couldn’t think of a more attractive male face without him looking like one of those beautiful gay men from yaoi manga which is probably impossible for anyone who isn’t Japanese.  Since I don’t really like tiny penises I suppose I can settle for a part Norse European mutt with a nearly perfect face instead of a poorly endowed almost girl Japanese man.  However, his body could easily be the perfect physical manifestation of all my favorite things about the characters in yaoi manga.  His shoulders are so wide and his waist is very thin which gives him this wonderful curvature to his body.  He almost has what I would describe as “woman hips” and his butt is just squishy enough to be enjoyable to squeeze without being awkwardly large.  He is only the slightest bit muscular and doesn’t have those weird man peck boob things that I absolutely hate (Ugh, those strongman competitions are pretty much the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!), but when he flexes his back the muscles move in this wonderful way that makes me want to kiss them and bite them and generally be on him.  He’s extremely thin, but not in that anorexic way.  Really, just open any manga and pick out the naked body of any random effeminate gay man and that’s what he looks like.  It’s perfect.  The main difference would have to be that he does, in fact, have hair on his legs but it stops right at the intersection of his hips and pelvis, so it makes him look like he is wearing those sexy pantyhose that maids have on in porn.  He also has one of those little, whatcha callit, landing strips? down his stomach around his belly button which I think is endlessly cute.  Finally, his penis is huge.  I won’t say how huge because it’s not fair to people who are deprived of said hugeness.

  Now, the paragraph above was pretty tame compared to what’s coming.  I’m about to talk about sex.  If sex and related topics make you nervous or offend you, please stop reading now because I warned you.  If you know me in real life and think that knowing what we do in our most intimate times would make you feel awkward, by all means stop now because there is no going back once you’ve read this material and I don’t skimp on the details.  Don’t leave wanton comments about what a disgusting person I am.  I’ve never had a problem with that before, but like I said, some of you are new so I want to make sure and cover my ass here.  Let me begin by saying that recently we’ve had the best sex ever.  After much experimentation and some failure, we’ve decided that sex from the side is the most satisfying for both of us.  I personally think this is because I can squeeze my vagina more tightly shut in this position and also I can reach his butt and play with it, which he absolutely loves.  We usually start out in this position and nearing the end I will roll over onto my stomach with him still inside me.  I guess I would call this position an extremely low to the plane of the bed version of “doggy style” and it is amazing.  I think the way we are set up in that position gives him the most ability to thrust as hard as he possibly can, which is great because I like it extremely rough normally.  Other than that, I love to pretend that I’m raping him.  I make him wear this little jinglely bell necklace that I bought at an anime convention and then instructed him to meow like a cat and try feebly to push me away while I service him.  I honestly don’t know why I like it so much but for some reason him pretending he doesn’t want me to makes it really exciting.  Sex is such a weird concept that is so wildly different for people.  I think sex books are worthless because they only cover the view of that one person who wrote the book and they could think completely opposite things from what you really like are sexy.  I think you have to figure out on your own what you like and dislike, not read it out of a book or something.  Who learns what they like to eat by reading a book?  Anyway, I’m off topic.  My point is, sex with him is better than I ever imagined any activity with another human being could be.

  Okay, the dirty part is over.  You can read the rest without fear.

  I don’t know if I could list all of the reasons I want to marry him, even if I had an entire novel to do so.  Aside from the fact that he has the perfect body and an extremely attractive face and he’s amazing in bed, he’s also an extremely loving, kind, patient and fun person.  He constantly hugs me and holds me and kisses me and plays with my hair and rubs my back and does lots of little things that let me know he cares.  He tells me I’m beautiful unprovoked.  He says he loves me without any prompt to do so.  He shouts that he loves me on the phone even when he is in a room full of his male friends.  He is so honest and kind that I could never even conceive of him cheating on me or lying to me unless it was in answer to the question, “Did you hide my present in the apartment somewhere?”  I’ve never met a less douchebaggy person in my life.  He has cried in my arms before.  He has hidden from the world with me under the covers before.  He will sit in the room while I watch America’s Next Top Model.  He is wise and understanding.  Even when we fight we always work it out no longer than an hour from the time it happened because we are both rational and can admit when we were wrong.  I could go on and on and on.  I honestly can’t imagine anyone more deeply compatible with me and I chide myself for the times in my life when stressors outside of our relationship have made me doubt my love for him.  I’ve never doubted his love for me.  I’ve never asked myself the question, “Does he really love me?” because it is unnecessary.  I know the answer, “Yes, unconditionally and without a second thought.”  He lives for me and when I take on too many responsibilities and stress myself out, I do it for him, to impress him, even though I don’t need to do anything at all.  I want him to be proud of me.  I want him to look at me like I look at him, as a sagely wonder of the natural world who deserves lavish gifts and constant praise, but even as I type this I know he doesn’t think of me that way.  He thinks of me even more highly.  He thinks of me as the goddess of his heart.  He thinks of himself as created specifically for my pleasure and he devotes himself to that purpose.  I’m probably the luckiest person on the planet.

  Honestly, everything in my life pales in comparison to him.  If you think of my life as a sphere whose center is my happiness, he is a protective coating around that delicate and fragile center and all the little crappy stuff that happens in my life that I post about is merely an ultra thin layer at the very outside surface of my life.  It doesn’t really make me sad because as long as I have him, my true happiness is safe from everything else.

  • 3:35 am
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