June 14, 2010

• In the past few days a lot of things have happened, but I’m just going to talk about the major ones.

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  My husband gave his two weeks notice at his office job about a month and a half ago.  We didn’t tell our parents.  We thought it would be better to just let them think he was still working until such a time that his unemployment wouldn’t matter anymore (like when I graduate and get a more “until retirement age” kind of job).  However, I can’t stand secrets or misleading others and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.  Bending the truth is just as bad as lying in my opinion and I didn’t want to manipulate others through dishonesty.  I told my mother a few days ago over the phone.  She didn’t take it well.  She went on and on about how selfish and childish he was being and how he would never grow up and it really hurt.  I tried to tell her we had made the decision together.  I tried to tell her it was the best option for both of us.  I tried to explain that I care a lot more about happiness than I do about money.  She didn’t want to hear any of it.  My parents are very conservative in their views and they value a strong work ethic above almost everything else…except honesty.  So, not only was my husband a failure in their eyes, we had also lied to them about it for several weeks.  When I hung up the phone I was in tears.  In retrospect, calling right before I got on the bus to go to work probably wasn’t the best idea.  I came into the office with red eyes and puffy cheeks and everyone wanted to know what was wrong.  I just didn’t want to talk about it.  I spent most of the day sulking and then went home and cried even more in my husband’s loving arms.

  A few days later my mother called to apologize for being less than understanding about the whole situation.  She reiterated that they were just very proud that we were (emphasis on “were”) in a position to make almost $200,000 in savings over a mere period of five years, something most people don’t accomplish within their entire lifetimes, let alone before the age of 30.  She was still rather negative, but after reassuring me that she didn’t suddenly hate the man I married over money I felt a lot better.  Then she said something that really made me view her in a whole different (and more negative) light:

  “I know you aren’t the most manipulative person, but I think in this case you need to tap into your manipulative side.  You need to get him to do what you want him to do instead of what he wants to do, because it’s better for him.”

  This was after I had said I wanted him to perhaps go back to school, but I wanted the decision to be his.  I didn’t get into this relationship so I could lord over someone with my own opinions and force him into subversion (other than in the bedroom :3).  I got into it because I love him and he makes me happy and I care about him enough for his opinions to matter to me.  We are a pair and we make decisions as a pair and forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do just so we can have more FUCKING MONEY does not compute.  I was appalled at my mother for letting the words “tap into your manipulative side” pass from her lips, especially since we have both experienced the #1 manipulator in the entire world, my grandmother, and we both find her extremely frustrating.

  I sighed and told her I would think about it and then hung up the phone.  I set the phone on my leg and stared out the window of the bus I was riding, about to cry again, when the phone rang.  This time it was my father, calling to tell me that he still loved us both and he didn’t care what we did as long as it was what we thought was right.  He added that he was only a little disappointed about the money thing, but far more disappointed that we had quasi-lied to him.  The tears sucked back into my eyes and I smiled softly.  My father is a very genuine person.  He doesn’t say anything if he doesn’t mean it, and he had just said exactly what I wanted to hear:  “We still love you, but don’t lie to us ever again.”  That’s what I really felt bad about, not the money, not having a stay at home husband even though there was nothing to really stay at home for, but lying to people that I care about.  I told him I loved him, too, and hung up, feeling 1000 times better about everything.  They may not be 100% happy about the situation, but at least they could now begin to cope with it and it wasn’t this dark spot in the back of my mind anymore.

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  I was going to talk about my husband’s parents, but I feel like it might be in poor taste because of my opinion of his mother, so I’ll hold off.  All I will say is that we believe his mother’s controlling energy has moved from my husband, who is now out of the house, to her husband and it’s affecting him noticeably.  He is sullen and cold where he used to be exited and jovial.  It’s painful to watch.  I would prefer to stay out of it (and away from them) until they learn to cope with their “empty nest” as it were, probably a couple of years.

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  My undergraduate student, after a lot of changes to the protocol we were using and some additional ideas from me on what could be going wrong, finally got a successful ligation!  The morning I discovered his plates were coated with colonies I was all alone in the lab and I started dancing and shouting and I called him to share the good news.  This marks the end of my training!  I can now switch my focus to my actual research project and toward graduation!  I’m pretty excited and feel a lot better about things than I did when I made the last entry.

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  I completed the National Pokedex!  I caught all 493 Pokemon!!  I’m super excited and will try to post pictures later on this week or even this evening if I get motivated.

  • 5:11 pm
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