October 20, 2010
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Warning Signs of Bad Relationships
Well, she broke up with us again. Can’t say I’m happy, but in some small way I’m relieved. I knew it wouldn’t work out in the end, but I feel like I’m getting “too old for this” and all that. I clung desperately to hope that this would be the one, that my search would be over, and ignored all the warning signs. Here is a list of warning signs that I disregarded, but that others should look for in bad relationships:
1. She’s just not that into you, but willing to give it a try and see if feelings crop up. Spoilers, they won’t. Also, this indicates a person who really isn’t in touch with her own feelings all that well. Some people don’t mind, but I prefer someone who can give me black and white, yes or no answers.
2. She couldn’t see herself in the kind of relationship you are offering, but could try it out. Spoilers, her thoughts won’t change. Whether it’s a serious relationship or a casual fling, if the other person isn’t on the same page with the relationship status, then it’s over before it’s begun.
3. She has other love interests. Almost always this is a bad sign. It means someone got there before you did and you’re probably shit out of luck. Also, unless she’s having trouble in the current relationship and wants to get out of it you probably stand no chance. You can’t steal someone’s heart if they don’t want to have it stolen.
4. You are embarrassed about your relationship with her. If you can’t talk about your relationship with friends and family without feeling awkward or unsure, then you probably won’t be able to sustain the situation long term. You can’t just block everyone else out of your life and hide your relationship.
5. She doesn’t want to be referred to as your “girlfriend” or “significant other”. This is a HUGE red flag! It probably means she either isn’t into the whole committed relationship thing, or she doesn’t want other people to hear you calling her your girlfriend because she wants to appear single. Either way, if you want a real relationship, move on because you aren’t getting it form this girl.
6. She doesn’t return affection. I’m not talking about a girl who doesn’t want to have sex with you right away. I’m talking about a girl who leans away from you rather than toward you when you sit together, or perhaps moves her hand away from yours if you try and touch it after you’ve been together over a month. These are not good signs, even if the person isn’t really that touchy-feely. In the end, you probably want to have sex with this person, and if they can’t even wrap their mind around holding hands after a couple months…well…WTF?
7. She breaks up with you. I don’t think I have to explain this. If a person feels comfortable completely abandoning a relationship with you at any point in time, it probably doesn’t look good for the future of said relationship. I know there are exceptions, but in general this is a terrible sign, no matter the duration of the break-up.
8. SHE LIES TO YOU. This is my number one super duper red flag of the list. My mother always used to say that a relationship is a three-legged table. Without one of the legs, the table falls over. The legs are communication, trust and intimacy. So, without trust, there is no relationship, especially when the lies are about her other love interest! Plus, how can you really respect someone and tell them how you feel in good confidence when you aren’t even sure they are telling you the truth about anything. And once a liar, always a liar, so don’t trust a girl who says she’ll never do it again after you catch her in a lie, because, guess what, she’s fucking lying!!
Numero eight is the straw that broke this camel’s back. I basically told her to decide, me or him, and she chose him. I won’t go into detail about the guy because I’m sure I’ll just end up bashing both of them and they really don’t deserve it. But, I mean, what the hell was I doing being all head over heels for this girl when she doesn’t give a flying fuck for me and my husband? I was sad yesterday, but now all the sadness is replaced by rage, not only at her, but at myself for letting this debacle go on for so long.
However, to try and get over the whole thing faster I’ve been getting on OkCupid again and finding some sweet girls who must have joined during this whole nasty interlude. And additionally, my husband and I are going to go to the local gay bar together and try to meet some people we don’t already know in the gay community. I just need to do some things to get my mind off of my anger for a while.
At least I can move on to someone who might actually love me, instead of a people pleaser stringing me along by tossing shreds of hope my way now and again. If I had known what a crappy person she would have turned out to be, I would never have gotten close to her. I don’t regret anything, because it taught me a lot about what my husband and I need in a girlfriend, but I do kind of wish that the person I built her up to be in my head resembled the person she actually is a little more closely… Oh well, c’est la vie as they say.
