So I went home this weekend and didn't post at all (Damn you, Dial-Up! DAMN YOU!!!) so now I will give everyone an update on my weekend. I once again worked with my parents to lay ceramic floor tiles. This time my male helped, too, and gained some brownie points with my parents. That's always good when you have a penis and you are trying to steal someones daughter away. You need all the brownie points you can get. Anyway, now we are both sore, but we have money. I will probably buy more hentai tomorrow, but maybe I will look at some internet reviews first so the failure of last time doesn't happen again. I don't like spending sixty-some dollars on less than impressive hentai, damnit. I think I will take my male tomorrow and go get some. We will make a little erotic date of it.

Speaking of dates, my male and I are going to see "Thank You for Smoking" tonight at some random little theatre on campus. I am excited to see the movie and make out in the back. I will be fun. Then I will definitely take him out to dinner at good ol' Steak n' Shake, since it is open all them time. So good. It brings me joy to think about how much I enjoy spending time with my male on our random dates. Definitely good times.

As for goal number one, I have lost about four pounds. I am pleased. Two weeks and four pounds is good. That is a healthy rate to get rid of unwanted weight. LOL! That totally rhymed! Anyway, yeah, good on my way to completing goal number one. I think by the end of the summer I will be so hott that passing males will cream their pants when they see me...if I walk around naked, that is. Good deal.

I am sad and slightly displeased that the female I currently had under interview has not responded as of yet. It has been around a week and I think she is no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with me. Perhaps she is busy with finals studying...but I doubt it. Her other responses came within three or four days. Saddening. Oh, goal number five, you displease me with your difficulty. I suppose even if I never found a suitable female that I would be just fine. I do have my perfect male. One soulmate should be good enough for anyone. I am so greedy.

That sums it up for me currently. In a few moments I am going to try and win an iPod or a flashdrive. We will see if it happens. More to come around midnight.

Considering there is no scale for me to weigh myself on here at my dorm, I really don't know how well I am doing on my diet. I lost two or three pounds last week, so maybe I have lost another two or three pounds. That would be pretty fancy. I am pleased by this diet. When done correctly, dieting is a very nice thing. I feel much better about myself and I also don't feel the need to constantly eat anymore, now that the first week is over. It irritates me when people say that they cannot diet. It is not that they CAN'T, but that the WON'T. I do see, however, why someone who was very overweight would not want to diet. Even I, who need only remove a few pounds from my body, do not notice a great difference from day to day and one pound matters far more on my frame than on the frame of someone who has two-hundred extra pounds. When you feel like you are torturing yourself for nothing, like trying to empty a lake bucket by bucket, I would understand if you felt like giving up. I also understand that some people eat because they are very very depressed. I know there are reasons for people not dieting...but I feel like they aren't that good of reasons. All you need to do is tell yourself that you can do it and that you know you are working toward an obtainable and beneficial goal. I guess most people just don't want to even try because they think it will be too hard or not fast enough or whatever. I guess I don't really know what I am trying to say. Anyways, I am pleased with how my diet is going and I think I will reach my goal pretty quickly. Soon I will be hott enough to be on the same level as my male. I will look like a hentai girl, only in 3D. Hott! Well, I'm going home this weekend so I have to go pack all my crap up. Overall, I am pleased.

Hey, don't look at my nose hairs! What kind of sick twisted freak are you?

Yeah, so I got a hardcore panther tat on my face because that's how I roll. I'm so badass.

Seriously, I wonder about people sometimes... It's pretty fake looking overall and I still had people ask me if I really got one on my face and say stuff like, "Wow, you must be pretty hard to get one on your face! That must have hurt!" That made me smile. I love little fake skin stickers that make people think you are a lot cooler than you are. I actually put it one to give me good luck on my chemistry test this morning. I think it worked. I feel really good about it. That test was too scared of my tat to be difficult. Way to go, Taco Bell machine fake skin sticker!! Kick that test's butt!

Anyway, enjoy!

If anyone wants to laugh at my goofy male, he now has a xanga. While mine is mostly serious and about my life, his is really goofy and just to make me laugh. I'm sure it will make other people laugh, too, so I suggest subscribing to it. He is Maf_Hax on my list of subscriptions. Check it out! He may not post often, but when he does he will be super silly, just like THENINJA...except not as cool because THENINJA beats the heck out of all random pointless sites to make people laugh. Anyway, still, go check it out.

I saw my old arch nemesis today. He was here for the State Music Festival. He looked pretty dumb as usual. I bet I could still play the Euphonium better than him. First Chair forever! He was such a jerk to me and I was a jerk right back because it hurt so bad. I wanted to punch him in the face. Then I thought back to my training as a super hardcore ninja and decided it was a good idea. Right before I was going to walk over there and yell at him for still being alive, I thought of an even wiser set of teachings: Billy Madison. I remembered how that guy that he made fun of in high school came and shot that jerk guy for him right in the ass. Instead, I walked over politely and started a conversation. Then I appologized for high school and how mean I had been and wished him good luck on his ensemble later today. Now I know I won't be on his "people to kill" list anymore. Safe at last! You know, I feel better that I probably would have if I had opened up any old wounds. I feel kind of like I did what Jesus would have done like all those little dumb wristbands say. You know, even if Jesus wasn't our savior or the son of God or anything like everyone thinks the guy was, I still think he was pretty nice and tried to do his best for everyone. He might have been crazy, but he was nice.

Anyway, I'm getting kind of excited. I have a new prospect for a female. She is very attractive and enjoys all the same things as me. She likes DDR and not country music and old muscle cars and hentai and I am very, very excited to meet her. She isn't Asian, but she fits pretty much all the rest of my criteria, and I say if someone meets at least half they are so close to perfection that it doesn't really matter anymore. We will see if it works out. With the semester coming to a close, she may have to go back home and home may be pretty far away from where I live... If we started a relationship now I don't know if it would be the best thing to do. I still want to meet her though, and who knows, maybe she will live like a half an hour away or something. That would be awesome! Again, we shall see. Oh, man, I am getting excited just thinking about it...in the naughty kind of way. I can't help it. I do love the ladies. More to come on this as the situation develops.

I think I'm going to get a double major in Chemical Engineering and Japanese. Then turning off the English won't work anymore...*sigh*...but I think it will open up some doors for me to go live in Japan like a cool kid. Maybe I am just dreaming and too obsessed with my lack of Asian. God, I wish I was Asian just for a day. That would be so cool.

Anyways, not important. My male and I went to play DDR today after several days of not going because I was freaking over my Calculus test. I am foolish in this respect, for I believe I got a 95 percent at least. Pleasing to say the least. We played a bunch of games and I became very tired and kind of hurt my back beating "Captain Jack". I started to feel pretty sick after the last nonstop and all those freaking doubles I did. Freaking heavy mode kicks my pansy ass. Only ten foot I can beat is "Sakura" and that's only because I really like that song. Anyway, we quit after I started feeling really bad. As we were walking back I just felt so warm and my skin kind of burned. I was scared. I saw the fountain. Its cooling waters pleased my eyes. I ran to it, throwing my shoes and socks aside and jumped in. I was no longer warm, but instead, I found out the water within the blessed fountain was definitely like zero degrees Kelvin, which is impossible for those who might not get my little ChemE joke. My legs were instantly frozen like in liquid nitrogen, so I decided I needed to be a man and get my whole body in there so I could just die outright. Oh, heck yes, it was cold. My male took a picture with his little phone camera. I was pleased and since I could no longer feel my body I felt a lot better. I was also no longer warm. I had to walk all the way back to the dorm without my shoes on because my little frozen toes were moist and I didn't want my pants dripping all over my shoes, so I think I probably now have foot herpes. It was fun, however, and now I can say that I did it. The warm shower afterward was good. Ummm...showertime goodness.

Well, I must rest from my day of joy and extreme DDR. More to come on the double major in Japanese as events come to pass and I get more information on whether or not I will be able to do it. My advisor says yes and I believe him. He is a good man, good man. We will see if I can do it in less that six years however. Don't want to hang out here forever, even if it is pretty fun. That's all for now.

Let me add to my previous entry that I still do use xanga to vent, but only on little foolish things like my Calculus tests. Before, when I was depressed and my life was cold and empty, I would have vented about my entire life outlook, my feelings of worthlessness, my horrible sadness. Now, I am relived of these things. I still vent, but not on anything important, as I said.

That is why I say that I want this xanga to make people happy, to let people know that you can come out of depression, sometimes with only one change in your life, like finding the perfect person as I did. I want people to know that there is always hope for better things as long as you are alive and breathing. I want others who know this joy already to be greatful for it. I just want to help people. That is my purpose.

In response to one of my comments, let me give an example:

On some cold days it snows. You go and frolick in the snow. You build things from the snow. You make snow angels. The snow soaks your clothing. You become cold. You become really cold. You can no longer feel your toes, fingers, nose, ears and cheeks. You know that soon you will be so cold that you cannot feel anything. You try to get back inside but the door is lock and you have no key. You keep wishing for that hot chocolate that would save you from your fate, but you are without it and so cold you almost give up.

This is an example of my life before college. In this time, a xanga would have been my venting, my gentle, feelingless venting, for I was very depressed. I felt like I had nothing and no one. Despite the good things that happened to me in my life, I focused on the very few bad things. You might ask, "Why? Why were you so sad if good things happened to you?" My answer, "I was without love."

When you are young, before you reach the age of, say, 10, you do not understand love. You know your parents love you, but that is a different love. In this time, you are free to be happy and I was. I was a happy little child full of energy and imagination.

As I got older, others got more cruel. Differences between children were brought out by the mean ones and I was very different. My depression started with these cruelties. As I came into the age for boyfriends and girlfriends, I became more discouraged. I noticed that I liked both genders, but no one else did. I had to hide it all through middle and high school to keep the cruelty down. Also, the males I showed interest in gave me no interest back. I continually lowered my standards until I was dating the bottom of the barrel. I got into a long, poor relationship that pulled me down into the depths of true depression. I was in this relationship still as I started college.

Here is where my story picks up. I found the key. I could get back inside and drink my hot chocolate. The feeling in my body returned. The heat of living and loving and joy returned. I was back to the feeling I had about living back when I was 10, but with an added bonus, love. I started college with the hope of finding others who were not the same as the children at my small school, who were like me, who would accept me for all that I was. He was perfect. I found him so wonderful and he made me feel like I was again alive and drinking my hot chocolate in my nice warm house. I knew I was safe. I knew I had found what I had come to college looking for in him. I immediately broke the old, depression causing relationship and attached myself to him, my male now. He accepted me for all I was. He was attractive and smart and enjoyed the same things about life as I did. He was, in essence, the perfect being. Slowly, as the semester went on, I transitioned from my depressed state back into the state I am in now, pure joy.

I no longer need to vent, for there is nothing to vent about, nothing important anyway.

I am beginning to wonder about myself. Is the only reason I am on xanga to find a female? Do I really want to share my life with others, or have I become an internet predator of a minor degree? The more I think about it, the less sense it makes, though. I really like telling people what is going on in my life without them knowing who I am, where I am, what I look like, or really anything. This little piece of xanga is my special place to hide my entries in plain site with all the other bazillion xanga sites. When I think about it I kinda hope the things I say make others happy, or at least make them feel like they should be more greatful for the things they have in their lives. I hope my xanga does good. However, for all my chatter about all that, I do also hope that my xanga leads me to a female who I can share with my male. I should repost my requirements for said female. I can't wait for the day when I can hold her in my arms and see her smiling at me. I continue to imagine how nice it would be for my male, my female and me to sit in my male's SINGLE room next semester naked and enjoy hentai together. I wonder if this will ever happen or if I am just kidding myself. Oh, I hope goal number five is not too impossible. We shall see.

As for goal number seven...I must back off the hentai purchasing. My mother wants to know why I need to borrow some money from her for my car payment...and I don't want to say, "Well, Mom, I bought a whole shitload of hentai this semester and now I need money for the important things because I am a shortsited idiot." Then she would be like, "What's hentai, dear?" and I would have to explain. In the end she would of course give me some money because she loves me and she knows I would pay it off with my work for her in the coming season of cleaning apartments for rerental to college boys, but still. I feel bad for having to borrow money from my parents who already do so much for me and pay for so much of my tuition. They say they don't mind because they don't want me to work and also I got scholarships, but I feel bad anyway. They had to pay for me from the moment I was a tiny squalling creature freshly born, so now that I have the means to get a job I feel bad. I love them. But, anyways, I am just going to have to enjoy the hentai I already have. I really like the one called "Stainless Night" anyways. That is probably the best 30 dollar hentai DvD I every bought. Really good. I love how the female android is able to please both men and women with her various...aparatus. Very pleasing.

Well, I have to get to that damn whore Physics. *narrows eyes* One day, Physics, one day...you will be defeated.