Man, I am getting boring. I have little to report since my last entry...

I'm here at my male's house today. We went to Six Flags today...for like 2 hours. It's cool, though, because I got my damn turkey leg. That's the important thing. He had to leave because, get this, he got an interview at a place where they freaking TEST VIDEO GAMES!!! He got the job! He is so amazing. He is going to be living every nerd's dream this summer. I know he is going to REALLY get a job designing video games. It is his true calling. I am proud.

Anyways, we also went to SAFT with his friend, Raf, after hanging out at his house for a while after the interview. We went to meet another of his friends, Jason, to eat and then we went to play DDR. Raf is a really nice guy and I like him. He is fun to talk to and I understand why my male is his friend. Jason, however, is overly negative about all subjects. I think he takes life a bit too seriously. I understand why Raf has a girlfriend and Jason does not. I suppose it is none of my business really, though. They are my male's friends, not mine, and I should therefore not make fun of them. My bad.

Well, now we are back at his house and I plan to play some World of Warcraft with him...or maybe on my silly little gnome warrior chick who is going to specialize in freaking two-handed weapons. LAWLS! If Raf wasn't still here, I would abuse my male's highspeed internet to get myself some new porn. Good times. Oh, P. S., I totally saw some hott AZN chicks today around St. Louis. I miss them when I am in my hometown...it sucks. Hillbillies are not hott and that is all that comes into my little Subway... *sigh* I can't wait to be back on campus in Columbia so I can check out all the hott chicks who hang around. Thank the lord for random hott sorority chicks and Asian girls. Good times. I miss them. Eye candy is my favorite kind of candy. Mmmmm... So, yeah, wishing I was back in Columbia right now, as well as the whole darn summer so far. I can't wait until I find a nice Asian chick to date. That will be cool. Even if it never happens, I'm still safe because I have my male. I will have him always. He thinks it is so cool that he can check out hott Asian chicks with me and I enjoy it. I guess I wouldn't enjoy it if I didn't know I could trust him. I think the mistake most guys make is to suppose that they can just ignore their girlfriends while they check out hott chicks. I would be sad if my male did that. Instead, he can include me in the situation like, "Hey, Katie, did you see that Asian girl back there?" and of course I did, so it is mutual. It makes me happy that he doesn't think I am a random weirdo like lots of guys would. He makes me feel so good about myself...as I am sure I have said like a million billion times...but whatever, it is important to me and I love him for it.

I guess that is enough random crap for today. I will try to step it up a notch...but I can't really make too much out of the stuff I have been doing this summer. Not cool. Well, ummm... *sets status as "AWAY"*

Okay, so the DDR Club is working out awesome!! I only need 4 more
pawprints and I can apply for organizationship!!! I even wrote the
constitution and everything, plus I found a faculty advisor! This is
awesome! I am soooo stoked about this whole thing!

Unfortunately,
I haven't gotten too much done on my book...I might abandon the idea. I
don't think anyone would read the damn thing except me, anyway. All it
does is boost my ego more than it already is to write about myself and
I would become a complete asshole if the book sold well, so I have
decided I am enough of a jerk already without getting high off of
talking myself up in a book. I might continue to tinker around with
it...but right now I think submitting it for publishing is out of the
question.

I am feeling a bit sad. I haven't gotten to really sit
down and download a bunch of pornography in a while. When I think about
it, though, I don't really need to anymore with the pictures I have. I
mean, if they turn me on, why download more? I will just get more
viruses and crap. Plus, dial-up totally sucks for all that. For now, I
am postponing my hentai/porn downloading addiction until I get back to
the highspeed internet of Mizzou. Good times.

I am desperately
bored. Next year this will not happen. My male and I will devise a plan
to stay together over the summer. I might be doing an co-op up in St.
Louis and my male's parents have decided to let me stay at there house
if I get one! This would be pretty sweet compared to this summer, but
not ideal. I can't wait until we have a house together! That would be
the most wonderful thing ever!

Oh, more information. I'm
thinking since some of you might actually know me in person and see me
in DDR club...that I might tone in down with the details about my male
and my sex life... I mean, we will both be in the club together and it
might freak some of the members out about the stuff I posted back a
ways. Then again, they might just have to suck it up because I like
being able to post whatever I want on xanga. We shall see.

Well,
that is about it for today...I am so boring during the summer. Nothing
happens. Sorry to all who expect more from me... *sobs* I'm so sorry...

Hey kiddies!! I'm starting a Mizzou DDR Club!!! If anyone wants to e-mail me through xanga with their pawprint and name that would be freaking awesome. I need 6 more people to start the club and once I get 6 more interested parties I will start work on the constitution. Once I get the constitution worked up, I will start my hunt for officers. This is gonna rock!! Anyone who wants to help is welcome, freshmen through seniors! I am planning on having tournaments all over the place and also beginner classes if I get enough people who are interested in that. This will all happen next semester, however, so don't get too worked up yet. The work doesn't start now.

Anyways, about me right now...I am hanging at my male's house this weekend. He is so wonderful. I think the time apart makes us even more sexually driven than normal. We are like animals sometimes... Also, the missing of him makes holding in my arms so much sweeter. I just feel like I am in heaven every time we touch. So this is what heaven is like...it totally rocks!!

We went to SAFT (Swing-Around-Fun Town) and played a bunch of DDR, so that's what made me think of posting my DDR Club pitch. So many people watched. I love it when people watch us rock out at DDR. So fun. Then we saw X-Men 3. I didn't think it was too good. Literally, everyone died. Well, not everyone, but one of my favorites. It was a little depressing and just not a great story all together. I would not recommend it...

Let's see...haven't posted in a couple days...ummm...what else?

I haven't done too much more on my book. I guess it is going okay, but I don't get a lot of time to work on it. Still, I am making progress, just not maybe fast enough to finish before I turn twenty, which was my original goal. We shall see. Work is going good. I just got promoted to Saturday Open Kid and got a $.50 raise. Better than nothing and it is also the hieght of Subwaydom. I feel special! I'm a bit bored with this summer...so much less exciting than life up at Mizzou, but I've said this before. Just letting everyone know I still think so. Bitch summer.

On a completely different, random note, aren't commercials funny? I'm sorry, I think channel surfing during commercials is just plain silly. You miss all the amusing things companies put onto the tube to try and sell their stuff. I love commercials. Sometimes I like them not because they are funny, but because they are just enjoyable, like that one for the Discovery Channel where all the different scenes are shown and the guy says stuff about them while a nice little song plays. That commercial just makes me feel good. I could liken it to listening to the radio. Some of the songs are okay, but some of them make you feel things, like joy or sadness or comfort. I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but when I hear a System of a Down song or a song from Simon and Garfunkel, I just get emotional...in a good way, and the same with lots of songs. It's the same with commercials for me. I dunno. I guess I am a weirdo. Sorry, that was random.

Well, that's it for me. Guess I am getting pretty boring nowadays. My hunts for a female are dulling because of the constant work I have to do. I have little time for such fancy. Don't worry, once college starts back up and DDR Club gets going I will have all kinds of fun things to talk about...so E-MAIL ME, ya DDR kids! You know who you are! Laters!!

I'm feeling pretty pathetic today. My male is having such a bad time without me. His mother is crazy. She tells him that he is worthless because he gets A's and B's. She complains because he has only been trying to get a job and hasn't gotten one yet. She is constantly angry and can always find something to make him feel small and helpless with. She treats him as if he has no right to have an opinion or thoughts or ideas or anything because he is a child and she is an adult. I wish she was more like my mother. She doesn't realize that she is crippling him for the real world with that kind of crap. You have to support your children, not insult them and break them down. Contrary to popular belief, that does NOT build character...bitch.

Well, enough about that. Just pisses me off even to type about it, much less talk to my male about it. Good thing he has his dad to comfort him. At least that guy is a little more human with his damn only son. Other than all that I am pretty bored and lonely. Working every day gets old quickly... At least I've started writing that book. It's kind of fun. Even if I never get it published, I think it will be nice to have as a window to another time in my life when I get old. I like that idea. I've also started working out and that is slightly entertaining. I like it. I don't like the sweat, but I like how it makes me feel, more confident and strong...I dunno. Still, I'm feeling pretty sad and down. I miss my male. I am sad that he is having trouble with his mom...unfortunate...

Anyways, I should stop now. I just want to call him. I need to hear his little voice from St. Louis calling to me. Adios peeps.

I am getting so sick and tired of random people who hate on my pornography xanga. If you don't like it, report me, but don't comment. When someone comments and makes fun of me because I am bisexual, it's really hurtful. I suppose some people don't realize that being bisexual is not a choice. It is something you are born with in your head. I didn't just say, "Hey, I'm going to be bisexual now," one day. I was born with a different brain chemistry than everyone else. Fine, you don't like my hentai, I don't care, but if you are going to go around telling people that they don't deserve to live on this planet because of the way they are...I'm not down anymore. Here, let me show you what this kid said to me:

ummmmm/// where do I start yah.... i hte your freakin gay site you frekin b#c%h you Gay ROD i hate your site and its so gay are you a biosexual or somethin i mean your interests are SEX? what the hell? you BIOSEXUAL and you like PORNOGRAPHY... dont you have anything else to do play outside or do something u gay rod instead of doing this gay stuff .. i MEAN you DONT deserve to live in this PLANET you guys really have to go.......... and you better shut u r site or i guess i will REPORT to THE POLICE... yah... i will do it.... and i cant believe people appreciate you for doin gay stuff they look at in horror...>>>

I know, this kid has to be some idiot 12-year-old who doesn't have anything better to do, but that's not the point. This kid doesn't matter. I don't matter. My site doesn't matter. What matters is that daily, huge numbers of people who were born differently than everyone else are being horridly insulted and made to feel worthless for something they have no control over. I'm tired of it. I mean, there is nothing to be done. There will always be people like this kid who can't stand to think that someone could be different from what is stated in the Bible because they were BORN like that. I'm just saying that I am getting tired of it. Once again, I do not feel bad for myself. I am secure in my self image and no one can shake that. I am worried about those who are not, those who are just exploring their sexuality and discovering that everyone will eventually hate them for it, those who have a less powerful mental constitution. I want them to be safe from these people. I want them to be able to be comfortable with themselves. I want them to be happy. What can I do? What is to be done? I don't know. I don't think that anything can ever incorporate all those who are outcasts of society back into the mainstream. Maybe someday, in the future, when everyone is so intermarried that everyone is almost the same ethnicity and race and everyone becomes more tolerant...but that is a long way off. *sigh* I guess there really isn't anything I can do right now.

Anyways, about my male! We had a nice time and went to see the DaVinci Code. I thought it was a really entertaining movie! It was like National Treasure, but with a religious theme instead of a historical theme. I guess lots of people are pissed off about it, but I thought it was pretty good. Not being one for the Bible, I really don't know exactly what the problem is...something about Jesus not being able to have a wife and a kid...but that's all I got out of it. I'm not the best with that kind of stuff, like I said. Other than that, though, the movie was really great. After the movie, we ordered some pizza and got down, since we wouldn't get another chance for a while. Ahhh...good times. I love him so much. Anything we do together is fun. We played pool, watched television, just sat and talked, and all of it was super fun. That's how I know. I know that he will be my best friend and my lover for all time. It makes me feel so safe and secure in my life. He is all I need to be happy. Even if we lived in a cardboard box down by the railroad tracks I would still be happy. You wouldn't know, because I couldn't post on xanga anymore, but I would be.

My little brother gave me this great idea. I like to post on xanga. I like it when people read and comment...for better or worse...on my posts. He thinks I should write a book about my life thus far. I thought about it. It might be cool, since next year I will be 20 and no longer a "teenager." I guess I could just write about growing up and going to college. I wonder if anyone would read it. I guess it would be entertaining. I have been entertained so far and I am living what the book would be about. Don't know if it would sell...don't know if I could get it published...don't know anything yet. I think I might write a little outline and see how I feel then, see if I want to start on a project like that. It's kind of exciting to think about myself sitting at one of those little tables with a pen and signing a bunch of people's books as they smile and talk with me...yes, that would be grand. I was going to write a book about all the strange fantasies and dreams I have, but this might be better. More people might be interested. I don't know. Maybe I could get some comments on it. What do you guys think as you read my posts? Would they be worthy of being parts of a book? Would you read the book? Would you buy the book? Would your mom buy the book? Anyway, enough of my ego about writing a book. Maybe I better not. I think authors are often full of themselves. Maybe I am already...

Well, I should GTFO. I work at Subway today. Ahh, closing shift, you are my favorite. Overall, I am very pleased, except that there is a little mean kid posting comments on mine and other pornography pages. I think he should shut his mouth, but one cannot make another quiet his cruelty...

Oh, finals, I miss you. College is so fun. Now I am here in this foolish place, surrounded by cows and fields with nothing to do. Where are you, hecka cool DDR machine? Where are you, new cool college buddies? Where are you, challenging classes that I enjoy? Where are you, perfect creature that I adore? *sigh* I hate you, summer. You steal my true life away from me. You bring your horrid warmth and stupid sun to remove the pleasant breezes and pretty rain clouds of spring. You take away my purpose as I am whisked away from the enjoyment of Calculus and Physics. You push me back into hard work for my parents and making sandwiches for the hill billies of my small town. You make my male go back to St. Louis away from me. Why? What did I do to you, summer? What are you trying to show me? Get the hell away from me. You make me want to move to Alaska where it is always nice and cold. I spit on you. *spits on summer*

Anyway, things are going as well as can be expected when it is freaking 86 degrees outside. How lame... I'm a little tired from working constantly the past few days. Now that I am home, my parents have decided to use me to clean things and lay tile as much as they possibly can before I simply stop breathing. I have also started working at Subway again. I really like it, other than the hill billy customers...gross. The boss is a really nice lady and I like to work for her. I am remembering why I liked to work there back in high school, it's not too taxing and it pays okay, plus the boss is great. It's the perfect job for summer.

I miss my male terribly...he is almost all I think about right now. I can't sleep. I need to hold him while I sleep. I am getting very tired and kind of sick... I need to get a good night of sleep, but luckily...I GET TO GO TO HIS HOUSE THIS WEEKEND!!!!! I am leaving tonight to go and hang out with him while his parents are gone for the weekend on business! Good freaking times. Maybe I will feel better after getting to sleep in the same bed with him a couple of nights...and doing other things... I am very pleased. We talk on the phone a lot, but that's just not the same as being with someone talking to them. I miss him soooo much! He is so wonderful!

I am pissed because my pornography xanga is being shut down. It is against the rules though, so I had it coming.

That's it for today. Overall...I am pleased that I get to see my male...but displeased greatly by summer. Summer is such a bitch.

I feel so odd today. I had so many worries lifted from my shoulders in a few hours that I feel so different from yesterday. I was almost verging on depressed. I felt that weight, that chronic, slowly increasing weight, returning to my being. I didn't want to do anything fun. I didn't want to do anything but sleep. For some reason I was rocketed back to high school for a few days. I'm back now, though. I don't know what it was.

Actually, I guess it was a combination of things. My male was away. I couldn't post on xanga like I did at college. I missed my first pill a while ago and even though the box says it is fine to miss only one I was still worried about getting pregnant. I wasn't completely sure I had a 4.0 in Calculus 2. My house was gross and messy because my parents are busy with the apartments and my mom doesn't have time to clean anymore. The foreign exchange student in my house is in the room where I keep my PS2 and is always playing it because he is a reclusive little Thai kid. He gives me the willies and I can't tell him to GTFO my PS2. My parents aren't as cool as they used to be. My little brother has turned into a metrosexual jerkoff with alcohol in his fridge. Damn roadtripping son of a bitch (No offense, Mommy.)!! I could go on. Being away at college made my house a lot less cool. I got used to things one way and now I have to re-get-used-to-them another way.

I feel better, though, like I said. That weight is gone. I want to do stuff again. I got the internet hooked up in my room so I can post again. I've been talking to my male a lot on the phone. I started my period. My professor e-mailed me and told me that I got an A in Calculus 2. I cleaned my room and the bathrooms, the main source of my "unclean" concern. I realized Suthiwat will be gone in a little over a month and my PS2 will be free!! I still have my GBA SP that he can't play with. *raspberries at Suthi's room* I realized I am just getting older and you can't think your parents are as cool as your friends forever. My little brother moved into one of my parents' apartments. He's not in my face anymore. I just feel so much better now. I don't know why I even allow myself to get into those kinds of moods, but it happens, just like back in the dark ages of high school.

As I said...I feel pretty odd now, like Goku when he turns the ultra high gravity off and stops training. I just want to frolick or play a good video game. Maybe I will play Final Fantasy VII. Wait, maybe I will play World of Warcraft. No wait, I think I want to play "Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories" as Riku and watch "Memoirs of a Geisha," which I just bought today. That should be fun. Time to make some brownies and snuggle on the couch with my little handheld joy and the remote...maybe some hot cocoa. Mmmmm...hot cocoa... *drools*

Well, semester two of my Freshman year of college is now over and done with. Now it's summer. Now is the time of worthlessness. Now is the time of work.

As for my final grades, I got A's in Physics 2750, Economics 1024, and Chemistry 1320. I took the Calculus 1700 final and I think I did very well. I was the first one done. I think I made a minor mistake on the last problem, so I think I will get a couple of points off. I feel like I should get an A, but with the lack of grades for the Mathematica labs and a couple of the quizzes, I really don't know. I will have to wait in suspense until the actual grades come out before I know if I got my 4.0, but right now, it's looking pretty good. I am very pleased by my first year as a college kid. Good times.

My male is away. He is in St. Louis and I am here, with only the damn fields and trees and nothingness to keep me company. I hate living in the boonies of Missouri. Not cool. I miss him so much. I feel so helpless. I can't sleep. Sleeping next to someone for almost seven months makes if frightening and cold to sleep by yourself. I toss and turn and have to hold stuffed animals to mimic holding my male against my breasts during the night. I miss hugging him and kissing him and talking to him, but most of all just sitting next to him and feeling his presence. I need him. I am so helpless. We talk on the phone a lot. Last night when he called we talked for about an hour. I hate phones, but when I am talking to him I don't mind them so much. Maybe it is because he is not some idiot girlfriend of mine wanting to know if I want to help her pick out shoes for her next date. God, I hate girls as friends. My male is the perfect best friend AND I love him. He is all I need. I hope that my dial-up can take the World of Warcraft so we can play on Faythryn and Fellinar, our little night elf pair. That would be great. Then it would be sort of like we were together in a super geeky way. Better than nothing. I will go up to his house and visit him next weekend. I am off from Subway on Saturday, so I could drive up on Saturday and come back Sunday before my shift. I need him so badly. I will try my best to get to him. I would run one thousand miles over broken glass to see him, if it was necessary. He is my everything.

Anyway, about working, I will be busy this summer. To tell the truth, I enjoy working, but not half as much as school work. Doing homework and taking tests makes me feel like I am accomplishing things for the furtherment of my future. Working doesn't give me the same pleasure. It is different. You are just getting paid to do something that needs to be done, but doesn't require much skill. It doesn't test you. It doesn't make you think or work your mind. Still, it pays. I really like Subway because my boss thinks I am grand and loves my work ethic. My brother and I are lusted after commodoties in my town. Our parents have made us into working machines with the power to excel in all fields of pointless labor. For example, they used to own a garden center. My brother and I were forced to carry plants to and from locations, water plants, reorganize plants, unpack trucks from Florida, deal with customers, run the cash register and keep a damn smile on our face from the age of five or six. However, we got paid and we learned what it meant to have our own money early. Later, they closed the garden center in pursuit of greener pastures, and with the addition of a crappy technical college to our town, they decided to jump on the building apartments to house college kids train. Worked out well. They are making good money. However, during this time, my brother and I were subjected to things like insulating walls (oh, so itchy) and laying ceramic tile floors (oh, the blisters). Also, once the apartments are vacated and the college boy filth is left...I am on the cleaning crew to fix said filth. Sometimes it is worse than others...horribly worse. It seems so boys aren't too good at puking into the toilet after they drink too much. I scrub the walls. Some boys can't seem to throw out their garbage and it piles up and fills with maggots and stinks horribly. I remove it without even wearing gloves. I guess you could say I am pretty hardcore for your average teen in the work experience department. Consequentially, when put into a job like making sandwiches for money or something of the like, something so simple, my brother and I literally blow away our competition because we know what it is like to have a REAL job and find the fact that people will pay us to make food and wash dishes simply astounding. Thus, I enjoy Subway. It is the cleanest restaurant I have ever been in and the hardest activity that we are required to do is clean the sneeze gaurd because it makes us bend at an awkward angle. Oh...so hard. Anyway, the summer looks pretty good in that respect. I will work at Subway ($6 an hour) and clean the nasty apartments ($12 an hour, BITCHES!). Good stuff.

Well, the summer looks good for money, but I will miss my male a lot. We will talk a lot, though, so I guess I should just sit back and enjoy the easy labor of the summer and accumulate strength for the coming semester of hardcore classes. Time to lay the last of the ceramic tile for this year, so I must be going. I will explain more later.

Sometimes I want to hide. Sometimes I mess up something and it makes me want to be away from everyone and everything. I have such strong emotions all the time. It's funny how one single nasty comment can outweigh all the good stuff that happens in a day. I always think it is so funny how that works. It's like how one drop of food coloring spread through an entire glass of water...even though it was just one little drop. Anyway, enough about that. No one knows what I am talking about.

On the upside, my Microeconomics final is over and the results are in! I only got two wrong, making my final score overall in that class a 91.4% and all I had to do was get an 83%! Alright, that means that I have eleven hours of 4.0 down...five to go. Calculus and I will meet on the battlefield tomorrow and we will see who comes out victorious. *narrows eyes* I am very proud of this year so far.

Speaking more on the hiding thing, I've noticed lately that I really only want to spend time with my male. I don't like the other people in my dorm that much. There aren't really any other nerds...and if there are...they are hiding in their respective rooms just like my male and I do. We are antisocial. I don't really mind too much except I am getting out of practice dealing with others. This summer I am sure there will be like a bajillion high school buddy reunions (not like Jenova, like float trips) and I just don't know how people will like me anymore. I am pretty different. I don't hide things anymore and put on a happy face when I am actually horribly depressed. I am happy with myself now and I am perhaps at times a little bit full of myself. I don't know what to do. I like this new me. My male likes me. This new me is the real me. I guess what I am saying is I hope my friends still like me, because if they don't I really don't care, because I like me. Let's just hope that I can get some of my social skills back before the next big party. I don't know how to start conversations anymore with people other than my male and feel comfortable with them. I've lost most of my charisma (down from 15 to 10) so I guess I will just have to work a little harder than normal with my friends. Coming from a small school, we were really all just friends by requirement because there were no other kids around except us. Will this fragile bond last through the Freshman year of college? Only summer will tell. Alright, enough.

Okay, I am done. I'm in kind of a bad mood now, so I think I am going to stop. Tomorrow will be a terrible day. I will miss my male so...

I just wanted to be one of the cool kids with an entry that didn't really make sense or give any real information about my life. I guess those are okay if you are making a point with your mystery, like if you are philosophizing or you are pissed off and want to vent a bit without people really knowing what you mean...but most of the time the little lame pointless mystery entries are stupid in my opinion. So that last entry was lame, except for the .ocm part. I'm serious. That pisses me off. Too damn fast at typing.

Anyway, what my entry really should have been like is this:

Title: I freaking ROXOR!!!

Entry: So yeah, feeling pretty good about myself. I figured up my grades in two of my classes, since I won't be recieving any more grades in them and heres how it went down:

Physics --> A=90% or above My grade=90.6% Shit yeah! Just made it!

Chemistry --> A=88% or above My grade=95.7% Oh, God, pwned that bitch class!

OOOoooooo, it feels good to not have to worry about those two anymore. Just got my Microeconomics and Calculus finals left to go. I got this. *rolls up sleeves*

Speaking of pwnage and such, my male and I went to play DDR today for the first time in a while. I still did pretty well, even for being a bit out of practice...but I got like super sweaty. Thank God for deodorant. I beat Sakura on Standard in Doubles Mode. That's a big step for me. Then...I beat f-ing Mitsuri Japan on Heavy in Doubles Mode!!! Goddamn that's cool. I was pretty proud. I was sure I would fail on that one. However, now, I am freaking tired. Good thing Michelle accepted the task of going and getting all the snacky stuff for finals food because I don't freaking feel like it anymore. I got the pizza under control, but I don't want to have to go all the way to Hitt Street, get my car and drive to Walmart, pick the crap out, put it on my credit card, and then drive back to Hitt Street and walk all the way back to Twainer with all the crap I just bought. Blaah. So, thank you, Michelle, whatever isle you are in right now, thank you. I'm pretty excited, it's Gumby's pizza, so it should be good. I ordered seven pepperoni, seven sausage, two cheese and a bunch of pokey sticks (not the Asian candy thing, the cheesey bread stuff) and with all the snacks it should be awesome. Hope everyone is pleased. I think engineers pretty much eat anything anyway. I wasn't buying for the pretentious little J-school kids so I should be fine, no offense to any J-school kids who are reading this, just the ones in Mark Twain are pretty rude and uppity.

Once again, I find myself constantly wrapped up in my own head, thinking about naughty things. I should study for my Econ final, but I just can't think. I keep fantasizing about how great it would be if my roommate next semester is a bisexual Asian girl with a taste for nerdy kids who want to have threesomes. I keep thinking of how it would happen...our first kiss, that look of suprise on her face...our first embrace...our first touch, if you know what I mean...so much runs through my head. How would she smell? How would she taste? What would she look like naked? I just keep pondering and pondering until I can't take it and I have to look at something really nasty and horrible to keep me from ripping off my clothes and randomly humping nearby people. I don't even know why I am so focused on it. It's almost like it already happened, like I already have the memories because I have been thinking about it so much. I don't understand myself sometimes. Maybe it is all the video games that allow me to create such a convincing alternate reality inside my head. I just want to reach out and touch this created female, this concept of perfection in my head. If only I could wish her into existing. Maybe I have. Maybe that is why I feel so strongly when I imagine. Perhaps she already exists and my fantasy is already a reality that I am simply waiting for. Perhaps when I walk into my dorm next year, she will be there, waiting for me, starring at me with her beautiful bright blue eyes and gently running her fingers through her long black hair, just asking for me to reach out and hug her close to me, to grab her curvy little hips and pull them into mine, to feel her breasts agains my own. I want her to be real so badly. I just can't stop thinking about it.

Speaking of such things...I was looking at a bunch of hentai today, finding some that I liked, but I realized that I don't really want it anymore. I have all those pictures of my male and me. They are way hotter than any of my porn stash. I start looking at some of my hentai, but I always drag my mouse back to the folder full of those pictures we took. I love them. My male is so perfect, so picturesque. He is far more entertaining to oogle than any drawn male in any yaoi that I could ever find. I guess some of my pictures are okay...but I would rather just look at my male. I think maybe this summer I will work hard to learn to draw anime well. Then I will draw myself a bunch of pictures of my male with little cat ears and a tail and just look at them. Then I will draw some pictures of him with his little cat features and some other cat chicks...or maybe Dante from Devil May Cry...mmmm...Dante. Yes, this will be a pleasing goal to add to my already existing goals. I will try and learn to draw hentai over the summer.

Here we go:

1.) My current weight is 126 lbs. and I must reduce it to 110 for it to be acceptable.

2.) The crowding in my teeth must be corrected.

3.) COMPLETE!!!

4.) COMPLETE!!!

5.) While I have already found the perfect male companion, I must also find the perfect female companion who is pleasing in her physical, mental and spiritual states within the state of Self, just like my male. This will be the hardest of the goals I have set for myself. How can one hope to find two soulmates in one lifetime? I will find out.

6.) Once my body is correctly rearranged to my liking, I will need a new set of clothing and jewelry to draw attention to my hard work wherever I go.

7.) At all times I require more pornography (especially hentai) and video games for enjoyment purposes while I am not studying. These will need to be acquired. (Completed several times...but there is always more!)

8.) I must work hard to attain more money, for while it does not buy happiness, it does help to facilitate the coming about of it.

9.) My dorm room is very drab and boring and decoration is in order for next semester. Joy in the home is most important!

10.) I must begin saving money for the perfect home (complete with DDR machine and hot tub) for myself, my male and my female.

ADDED --> 11.) I will learn to draw hentai so that I might draw my perfect concept of hentai for my own enjoyment.

Alright. There we go. My life goals are once again stated. I still don't know if anyone really cares about them. Well, this has been a long entry. I feel that it is now sufficient. I am overall very pleased, as per usual nowadays.