May 22, 2006

• *sigh*

  I am getting so sick and tired of random people who hate on my pornography xanga. If you don't like it, report me, but don't comment. When someone comments and makes fun of me because I am bisexual, it's really hurtful. I suppose some people don't realize that being bisexual is not a choice. It is something you are born with in your head. I didn't just say, "Hey, I'm going to be bisexual now," one day. I was born with a different brain chemistry than everyone else. Fine, you don't like my hentai, I don't care, but if you are going to go around telling people that they don't deserve to live on this planet because of the way they are...I'm not down anymore. Here, let me show you what this kid said to me:

  ummmmm/// where do I start yah.... i hte your freakin gay site you frekin b#c%h you Gay ROD i hate your site and its so gay are you a biosexual or somethin i mean your interests are SEX? what the hell? you BIOSEXUAL and you like PORNOGRAPHY... dont you have anything else to do play outside or do something u gay rod instead of doing this gay stuff .. i MEAN you DONT deserve to live in this PLANET you guys really have to go.......... and you better shut u r site or i guess i will REPORT to THE POLICE... yah... i will do it.... and i cant believe people appreciate you for doin gay stuff they look at in horror...>>>

  I know, this kid has to be some idiot 12-year-old who doesn't have anything better to do, but that's not the point. This kid doesn't matter. I don't matter. My site doesn't matter. What matters is that daily, huge numbers of people who were born differently than everyone else are being horridly insulted and made to feel worthless for something they have no control over. I'm tired of it. I mean, there is nothing to be done. There will always be people like this kid who can't stand to think that someone could be different from what is stated in the Bible because they were BORN like that. I'm just saying that I am getting tired of it. Once again, I do not feel bad for myself. I am secure in my self image and no one can shake that. I am worried about those who are not, those who are just exploring their sexuality and discovering that everyone will eventually hate them for it, those who have a less powerful mental constitution. I want them to be safe from these people. I want them to be able to be comfortable with themselves. I want them to be happy. What can I do? What is to be done? I don't know. I don't think that anything can ever incorporate all those who are outcasts of society back into the mainstream. Maybe someday, in the future, when everyone is so intermarried that everyone is almost the same ethnicity and race and everyone becomes more tolerant...but that is a long way off. *sigh* I guess there really isn't anything I can do right now.

  Anyways, about my male! We had a nice time and went to see the DaVinci Code. I thought it was a really entertaining movie! It was like National Treasure, but with a religious theme instead of a historical theme. I guess lots of people are pissed off about it, but I thought it was pretty good. Not being one for the Bible, I really don't know exactly what the problem is...something about Jesus not being able to have a wife and a kid...but that's all I got out of it. I'm not the best with that kind of stuff, like I said. Other than that, though, the movie was really great. After the movie, we ordered some pizza and got down, since we wouldn't get another chance for a while. Ahhh...good times. I love him so much. Anything we do together is fun. We played pool, watched television, just sat and talked, and all of it was super fun. That's how I know. I know that he will be my best friend and my lover for all time. It makes me feel so safe and secure in my life. He is all I need to be happy. Even if we lived in a cardboard box down by the railroad tracks I would still be happy. You wouldn't know, because I couldn't post on xanga anymore, but I would be.

  My little brother gave me this great idea. I like to post on xanga. I like it when people read and comment...for better or worse...on my posts. He thinks I should write a book about my life thus far. I thought about it. It might be cool, since next year I will be 20 and no longer a "teenager." I guess I could just write about growing up and going to college. I wonder if anyone would read it. I guess it would be entertaining. I have been entertained so far and I am living what the book would be about. Don't know if it would sell...don't know if I could get it published...don't know anything yet. I think I might write a little outline and see how I feel then, see if I want to start on a project like that. It's kind of exciting to think about myself sitting at one of those little tables with a pen and signing a bunch of people's books as they smile and talk with me...yes, that would be grand. I was going to write a book about all the strange fantasies and dreams I have, but this might be better. More people might be interested. I don't know. Maybe I could get some comments on it. What do you guys think as you read my posts? Would they be worthy of being parts of a book? Would you read the book? Would you buy the book? Would your mom buy the book? Anyway, enough of my ego about writing a book. Maybe I better not. I think authors are often full of themselves. Maybe I am already...

  Well, I should GTFO. I work at Subway today. Ahh, closing shift, you are my favorite. Overall, I am very pleased, except that there is a little mean kid posting comments on mine and other pornography pages. I think he should shut his mouth, but one cannot make another quiet his cruelty...

  • 2:35 pm
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