There she was, sitting looking back at me from one of the discussions in my facebook group "Bisexual...That's right, I said it." She was frightened and had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with her man. She wanted to know if these feelings she'd been having for girls were anything important. I offered my hand for an evening of entertainment. When I get back to Mizzou we are to meet and enjoy each other. She even knows that I have a boyfriend. I am extremely excited and can't wait! The last date I went on was slightly disappointing, but I am hoping this one will go much more smoothly.

I finally told him...everything. There are no secrets now. He knows that I fantasize about him recieving anal from his best friend Jason. He knows that I am so inexperienced that I don't even know what cumming is in a female sense, since I've never been able to do it by myself. I simply assume that it is what I experience some times at kind of a peak. If any well traveled girl is reading this, maybe help me out and explain, unless it embarrasses you. It is good to know that your lover knows everything about you. I am pleased.

I met his mother's side of the family. They are a bit off, but who's family is not? They seemed to like me. For some reason, I noticed myself coming out of hiding, allowing myself to be caught up in conversation and smile at other peoples' jokes and just listen and not become bored and judging of intelligences. Perhaps I am getting better and the spell (or should I say curse) of summer is wearing off. Soon I will return to my paradise and it will be good. There will be frolicking and kicking ass at classwork and much sex. Ah, for college to last all year...that would be so wonderful!

It seems the comments are few and far between. I suppose I am falling into the obscurity of any blog. No one really cares about every detail of another person's life...unless they are sad and threatening to kill themselves...then everyone reads. I am not sad, however. This thing was never for anyone but me...to use and find the ladies! Many other much better blogs are going to waste because people just don't care. If I had enough time I would read them all. People deserve to be heard when they are all alone or joyful about their life or even when they are just talking about nothing in particular. Whenever I get back to college, there will be much reading of the blogs of others. I find it entertaining and enlightening.

Well, I am happy. I am glowing. I am hungry. Panera calls to me. Toodles, kids.

I've been thinking...what is it all really for? We struggle and toil through 16+ years of schooling to be able to get a real, family sustaining job. During this time we look for a mate to create said family to sustain with. We get a house, a nice car, have a few kids, grow old, get grandkids and then shuffle off into an eternity of who knows what. Why? Isn't that the question people have been asking for like a bazillion years? Yes, it is, and here's what I think:

IT'S TO BE HAPPY AND MAKE BABIES! FREAKIN' DUH!

Now, I know, not that deep, right? Well, I was also thinking, how do people who do something completely worthless to society as a whole feel? I mean, what if your job was hairdressing. People can survive without having nice hair. No one's life was ever saved because of having a fancy haircut. However, hairdressers do not kill themselves all the time because they feel worthless. Why? Because they make people happy, possibly because they have children who love them, and maybe just because they enjoy cutting hair so much that it makes them happy just because, not even if the customer is happy. That's all this damn place is about, being happy and having kids to further your own thoughts and ideals into the next generation.

Now, my point with all this is that one should strive for these things above all else. In the end, when you are dead, you are dead. Unless you were some famous person like ol' George Washington or Descartes or somebody, your name dies with you. Only two or three generations of people will have even met you and most will be hard pressed to randomly share the stories of your life with those they spawn. Your own happiness and the passing on of your DNA are the most important things you can worry about. Yeah, getting a nice job with lots of money rolling in is nice, but it is not important. When you die, it won't matter where you worked or what kind of money you made, if will only matter what you did for your children, what you gave to them in the way of morals and ethics and a sense of self. In this way, you can pass yourself down to all the offspring of your children. Giving them a good hold on life allows them to pass this to your grandchildren and then to your great grandchildren without actually being alive.

The best way to do this is to be a happy, responsible, truthful and expounding human being. Explain life in detail, lead by example, smile when you don't have to and your children will as well. Your mother and father are your first teachers. As much as many parents want to blame bad behavior on schools, this is foolish. A child learns the most from his/her parents and is only effected slightly by the pulls of peers and teachers in a school setting. This is not true in ABSOLUTELY every case, but in most cases.

Share your happiness and joy with your children, not your pain and sadness. Show them how great a rainbow can be and how nice a spring breeze is as it kisses your cheek with its chill. Make pottery with them, support them when they do well and council them when they do poorly. Teach them how to roll on the carpet so that it tickles their feet. Laugh at movies with them and frolick in the flowers with them. Don't nag them for their hair or their clothing or the condition of their room or car. Let them make those decisions for themselves, but lay the foundation of happiness and enjoyment of life and the rest will follow. Don't fight with them, learn with them. I know I'm only 19, but I love life and so do my parents. I learned every good thing I know from them and I thank whatever gave me this life every day for such wonderful parents and such a wonderful childhood. Don't treat your children bad just because your parents treated you bad. Do the right thing and follow a different example, the example of happiness. Find what makes you happy and pass it on! That's what life is to me.

College isn't important, a job isn't important, not even how long you life is important, as long as you are happy with yourself and share yourself with your children! I finally realize why some people die with smiles on their faces. They know that their life was not in vain because they were happy and they passed it on to others, maybe not even their children, but someone. Perhaps I don't have to life forever like I spouted in one of my earlier posts. All I need to do is be happy and share that feeling with others in whatever way I can.

What really spurred all of this on was me thinking about changing my major. I felt like Chemical Engineering wasn't going to help anyone if I just went to work at a freaking beer company, but that isn't true. It doesn't matter what I do, as long as I am happy and make others happy.

Driving all alone can really make you think. I like driving, especially with 105.7 playing to inspire my thoughts. *sigh* Good times.

For a long will I had lost the hunger, that aching within my body for the embrace of a female...but it has returned. I think it is mostly due to my working at Subway. She works there also. She is so small and skinny and her breast have to be little more than AA's. She is Asian. She has the most beautiful smile. I suddenly can't stop thinking about her. I must have her. I want her in my arms. I want to touch her small breasts, I want to squeeze them in my hands. I want to kiss her cute little lips. I want to gently, slowly force a nice, long strap-on into her little Asian vagina. I know, I'm dirty. What can I do. It occupies all of my thought process at the moment.

I keep thinking about her and my male and video taping it. I want to watch him slide in and out of her. I want to watch her go down on him. Then I move on. I want to see any girl do it. I want to find the hottest Asian girl at Mizzou and include her in my male's and my future. I want to hold her as I hold my male, knowing that she will be with me forever. Oh, the thirst for a kiss from female lips, the hunger for the touch of female flesh to my own. It consumes me.

I wish I could put a sign above my head that only attractive bisexual Asian girls with an enjoyment of video games could see. I wish I could put a little sign up that said, "Right here! My male and I want a threesome with you! Come over and talk to me! Just say you want a date! Just tell me what you're into! I want to know you, to touch you, to taste you! I want to share my life with you" but, alas, I cannot.

I suppose, once again, I should just shut up and be content with the perfection of a male I have already found. My life is already absolutely, without a doubt, going to be wonderful. However, when I think about sleeping in the same bed with double the perfection, enjoying a shower with two other extremely attractive people, sitting about and chatting with two other likeminded folk, I can't help myself in the wishing.

I love being me. It is always so amazing to wake up each morning and realize how goddamn lucky I am. Toodles, kids.

Well, lads and lasses, my time for fanciful chatter on xanga grows shorter. I appologize. The preparation for the Autumn months is very time consuming with my parents' business as well as working at Subway extra hours for more spending cash for college (mostly Panera and DDR tokens). My entries will be getting less frequent, but fear not, I will return in full force after about August 18th or so. Please do not be alarmed. My time is being pulled in many different directions, so to please most, I must give slack to some.

Thank you kindly for your understanding!

I don't know...what should I discuss today?

I feel something coming back, as a limb waking from the pins and needles slumber it went into because you had it pinned under your buttocks on your rolling computer chair for seven hours straight as you tried to beat Quake (the original) without cheating. It is an interesting sensation. I find myself wondering, thinking, pondering...

The knowledge that I will soon be reunited for an entire school year with my male plaything is good. Should I receive a co-op at Anheuser Busch, I will live with him during the summer as well and I doubt we will ever part again. I feel safe, as though all things are possible. I have him, I need not impress anyone else.

This feeling of invincibility concerning social rankings is very nice. I find myself doing whatever I please and saying whatever I like. I dyed only the small patches of hair right above my ears. These patches are now super light blonde. If I straighten them, they hang down like sideburns. I am pleased. I brings attention to me. It shows people that I do not care what they think and that they can go to hell for all I care. I know I am good. I know I am attractive. I know I am smart. Nothing these random people can do will discourage me from this knowledge, all because I know someone loves me. I borrowed a pair of his boy shorts. They are comfy. I bought another pair. I look a bit like a boy when I wear them and a t-shirt. I do not care. Perhaps it will land me a hott Asian girl who likes girls that dress like guys. I could be the butch!

Aside from this goodness, I also hear songs again. I know I speak of this and many do not understand, but let me explain. Often, when I am not quite completely happy, songs stop affecting me. I no longer feel the meaning of the words or the vibration of the harmony in my mind. However, they are bringing out emotions in me once again. I hear them, they move me, I cry, I smile, I laugh, I sing along. It is good. Soon, soon, the summer will be over and happy times will return.

I know not what to write in continuence. I suppose I will stop. Overall, I am pleased.

Okay, so today marks the exact day when there is only one month until I go back to college. This is very pleasing to me because I will once again be able to read other peoples' blogs and not become angry because of the slowness of loading or the random errors caused for my dial-up from loading large numbers of pictures. I will be leaving you all comments again instead of seeming like a jerk!

Also, I am getting overly excited about my DDR Club! I only need three more people to join before we are officially an organization! *does the excited dance* We will be meeting to discuss all kinds of things the first week of classes and I simply can't wait! Many of the founding members have also stepped up to take on officer positions and this makes me very happy. One cannot run a club by oneself.

I am frightened about my classes. I have 17 hours and also Physics 2 coming up... Perhaps my 4.0 will die on fire this semester. *sighs* Well, it was nice while it lasted. Of course, I will try my very best, but killing myself for .2 GPA is not something I am into very much. I want to have a reasonably stress free college semester, and worrying about Physics will not allow this. I may also be overworrying the situation as is often my way. I wait.

I weighed myself last night and the scale said 123 pounds! In the evening, even! This is very good. I am looking great and will hopefully be able to attract a bisexual Asian girl this semester for us to share! That reminds me of this dream I had. I will share:

He and I were together, living in a huge, beautiful house. There was wonderful artwork and incredible furniture, the likes of which I have always wanted in my home. We were enjoying a nice soak in our 20 person hottub when two Asian females came into the room and joined us. It seemed each one enjoyed one of us more, but we all had fun together. Then, to my astonishment, two males of his approximate build entered as well. It was quite an amazing time, let me tell you. We all got out and dried off while the Asians ran off to create a meal for us all. He, I and the two males went to enjoy some DDR before dinner. We had three huge arcade machines with all the songs ever in the game on them! It was pleasing. When dinner was ready we all sat at the table and the two same sex couples began feeding each other and playing with each other at the table. When everyone had finished we retired to our bedroom, but we were not alone for long. The two males came in and we all had another enjoyable time, I with my strap-on and such. Then the Asians come in and kissed us all goodnight and the male pair left and wished us goodnight as well and then I woke up.

Now that is what I call a dream! I would draw you another picture, but Aquas is angry, so I shall leave paint to let you imagine.

Now, there is a problem with the dream and it will never come true... My male will not allow other males into the mix...ever! This is understandable and I do not wish it otherwise, but it confuses me as to why I dreamed about it. I do not want any other penises myself...unless they be strapped to an Asian chick. I am at a loss.

Anyway, sorry to my DDR friend, but that dream was shareworthy and I couldn't just let it slip from my mind as the waking hours consumed it. Don't be grossed out. I could have gone into detail.

In conclusion, I can't wait until I can get back to reading everyones' xangas and commenting without spending four hours to do it! Thank the Lord for highspeed internet at Mizzou! Yes!

Not two minutes ago I was thinking. I wasn't really thinking about anything. I was just thinking, allowing all those random little voices free roamage of my little mind. I just quit the officership in that damn guild and now I feel better. I hate when games become jobs. Then...randomly...a series of strange, seemingly unrelated things triggered in my mind and made me think of when I got my hair cut last up at ol' Mizzou. It was so strange. I saw the man who had done it. He had pictures all over his little hair cutting vanity or whatever the hell it was. He had pictures of motorcycles and several females and a boat. He wore a plaid, what I would term "lumberjack" button up shirt. So strange.

I wanted my hair cut short. I wanted all the colors, including white, black, and purple, removed so that I could look like a normal human female again. As he cut, he told me stories. He was so strange. He loved motorcycles and his daughter was in the National Guard and a bodybuilder (and she looked really gross, too...) and he just liked cutting hair. He told me about his brother who was also a hair guy and how he realized that it was his life's calling. He said that at first he was frightened that everyone would think him queer, and not strange queer, but boy on boy queer, but his brother said, "If you love to do something and it makes you happy, does it really matter what it makes others think?"

I thought about that. Just because someone doesn't fit the cookie cutter version of the human being in their place, what does it matter. The guy could like Harley's AND cutting hair at the same time. Didn't stop him from getting himself a wife and having a daughter, did it? I just got to thinking, after all those strange things triggered that flashback, that if more people were like that guy, the world would be a better place. I like being unique. I got myself a boyfriend. People who think I suck can just go lick a cactus, because they are wrong and I know it. That guy at the hair place, he has something. It's strange, it's hard to notice, but he has it.

Anyways, thanks for the comments, guys. If any of you happen to be around Mizzou and want to hang with me and see how awesome I am at DDR, you just leave me a comment or send me an e-mail I will be be there, damnit. The stuff you say makes me feel pretty darn awesome. Perhaps you should insult me next time, as to crush my ego which is now much larger than it should be allowed to be. Pretty soon I am going to think I am a god and have the ability to defy gravity...and we all know how that will end...

Here, I drew you a picture, just in case!!!!

Just a quick question:

I was wondering if all those who regularly read this thing and enjoy it could leave me a comment real quick. I want to know how many fans I have. If you never leave a comment I can never be thankful for you. Also...if you are so inclined, send me an e-mail and tell me a bit about yourself and why reading my stuff creates enjoyment for you. You don't have to, I'm just a bit nosey. I want to know what kind of feelings I create in people and why you all keep coming back even when my life slows down to a dull little garden hose of fun from the huge river it is when I am at college. Just wondering.

Anyways...umm...well...this is awkward...

*runs and hides*

Well...I was postponing posting because I didn't have much to talk about, but here goes.

I called the number. It was real! Jenny answered and I told her it was my car and I had just let my brother use it to drive to Steak n' Shake. She sounded disappointed but suggested that she liked my car. I was all set up to hit on her...but I decided that since she was a silly high school kid and also lame enough to actually leave her real number on some random car...she was not worth the effort. I told her that my brother was too scared to call her himself...but his friend thought she was hott, of course setting it up so that "Jason" in the form of my male could call her and suggest she meet him at Steak n' Shake and then we could call Jason and tell him to meet us as Steak n' Shake and see what the heck happens! I'm sure it will be funny!

Anyways, yesterday I went on a float trip with some of my old high school buddies and brought him along. I was his first float trip and he seemed to enjoy it. I don't drink and neither does he so I was glad when there were no random wiggly shots in little plastic cups to be had. None of my friends drank in respect for my lack of enjoyment of the sport and I was only offered a wine cooler on return to the campsite, which I might have accepted had I not been driving. I will drink a small amount of a wine cooler on occasion, but never a whole one. There were many drunken/ugly people roaming about and this was slightly displeasing, but what can one expect on a Saturday float. Fortunately, the smell of beer and cigs gently intermingling with one another was only present as we passed large crowds and for most of the float we simply enjoyed the rowing of the canoe and the beautiful natural scenery. I love to row for the extercise as well as the teamwork in a canoe. I was pleased that he and I could row a canoe effectively without too much trouble. My mother always says that if you can row a canoe with someone, you can do pretty much anything with them and have it be argument free, for rowing is one of those activities where the two in a canoe often end up blaming each other for the little mishaps and crashes into the brush. I would have to agree. Many of my friends, when paired in a canoe, flipped more than like four or five times and shared four or five...hundred angry words. Anyways, my point is that perhaps he and I will be a good married couple and deal with problems well rather than with foolish tempers and fits of rage.

On a completely different note, I was playing WoW the other day and some fool came into the looking for group channel shouting about the end of the new Pirates movie. The bitch ruined the ending for me, but I went to go see it today anyway and I say that it is still even better than the first and the ending really wasn't too bad...a bit Matrix-esque...but not as bad as that bastard in LFG made it out to be. I suggest going to see it most definitely if you liked the first one. Plus, come on, that chick is freaking hott in it. I'd do her. I like pirates! Yarrr!!

Also, I engaged in excessive amounts of sexual activity. It was good. I will not go into detail as I think one of my little DDR children reads this site regularly...and it would just be weird to see him and know that he knows what I know I've been doing that I know.

Continuing the WoW information, I am finding myself with an extreme erge not to be uber. I have removed myself from all responsibilities of a guild nature except Alliance side on Silver Hand. I continue to have my silly guilds for the purpose of silliness only to please myself, those being "Dancing Trainer," "Sweet Sweet Heart Magic," and "Sarcasm Vendor," but I have no responsibility to be on with those characters ever day or even every month. However, "Knights of Pandion," the one Alliance side on Silver Hand, is getting rather excessive. The requirements and rules are getting too hardcore for my tastes and officer or not I am thinking of quitting. I am not uber. I will never be uber. I don't want to be uber. It is not my place to be so. We will see how this develops as time wears on. I think I may, upon quitting, move the name "Sweet Sweet Heart Magic" to Silver Hand Alliance and replace the then guildless Horde on Argent Dawn with "The Pirates of Dark Water." I think that would get chuckles. I don't know though...I am still considering. We shall see.

Well, that's it. I am boring and that is why I do not post as much as I did. My material is getting slightly dry and boring and I want to accumulate more before each post rather than post a bunch of little not so cool stuff each time. My appologies. Were it not for my DDR friend, I would post my sexual experiences...but...well...too creepy.

Anyways, Peace kids!

Alright, so I was playing WoW by myself while he and his friend were hanging out at his house. His best friend is really nice and they don't get to hang out during the week, so I was not sad at all. They went to see that Superman movie (which I was uninterested in due to Superman's stupid complete uberness) and afterward went to Steak n' Shake. Here's were the funny part starts.

Okay, so these two girls come up to them as they get out of his car and the one suggests that he has cool spinners.

These are the spinners in question by the way.

They are like...okay...and proceed to go inside the restaurant and eat stuff. When they come back outside, they find this note, which I think is the most hillarious thing ever:

Aaahhahahahhahahhaha! Good stuff right! Oh, and here's the paintjob if you are wondering:

His friends dared him to spraypaint his car...and he did!

So seriously, you have to laugh at that, right? She likes his spinners and paintjob? If she is serious she is an idiot... I mean, I think they are funny and enjoy riding in the car because it shows how laid back and not a jerk he is, but I would not think that some random whore would be interested... And then...under the phone number...FUCK ME!!! Ahahahahhahahahahaha!!! Good times!!! He and I surmise that there are three possibilities, starting with the most likely:

1. They were two drunken whores who just got out of a party and were looking for some munchies to get ride of the hunger they had from the marijuana they smoked midparty.

2. They were just a couple of jerks kidding around with what they thought was an average, femaleless guy who would be crushed to find out that the number was a fake and cry himself to sleep.

3. They were serious...and therefore idiotically retarded and below normal intelligence.

Well, I just thought I would share that little story with everyone. Good times, right? I dared his friend to call the number (hidden to protect the stupid)...but he was too much of a pussy so my male and I are going to call it later on tonight and see if it was a prank number or if it is for real! Lols! Exciting! I love goofy stuff like this!