July 14, 2006
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I am not sure...
I don't know...what should I discuss today?
I feel something coming back, as a limb waking from the pins and needles slumber it went into because you had it pinned under your buttocks on your rolling computer chair for seven hours straight as you tried to beat Quake (the original) without cheating. It is an interesting sensation. I find myself wondering, thinking, pondering...
The knowledge that I will soon be reunited for an entire school year with my male plaything is good. Should I receive a co-op at Anheuser Busch, I will live with him during the summer as well and I doubt we will ever part again. I feel safe, as though all things are possible. I have him, I need not impress anyone else.
This feeling of invincibility concerning social rankings is very nice. I find myself doing whatever I please and saying whatever I like. I dyed only the small patches of hair right above my ears. These patches are now super light blonde. If I straighten them, they hang down like sideburns. I am pleased. I brings attention to me. It shows people that I do not care what they think and that they can go to hell for all I care. I know I am good. I know I am attractive. I know I am smart. Nothing these random people can do will discourage me from this knowledge, all because I know someone loves me. I borrowed a pair of his boy shorts. They are comfy. I bought another pair. I look a bit like a boy when I wear them and a t-shirt. I do not care. Perhaps it will land me a hott Asian girl who likes girls that dress like guys. I could be the butch!
Aside from this goodness, I also hear songs again. I know I speak of this and many do not understand, but let me explain. Often, when I am not quite completely happy, songs stop affecting me. I no longer feel the meaning of the words or the vibration of the harmony in my mind. However, they are bringing out emotions in me once again. I hear them, they move me, I cry, I smile, I laugh, I sing along. It is good. Soon, soon, the summer will be over and happy times will return.
I know not what to write in continuence. I suppose I will stop. Overall, I am pleased.
Comments (2)
Hey. Wow, this is so weird. But I just starting playing the original Quake recently, too. Isn't it weird? I mean, out of all games, the original Quake? Of course, I've only beat the first chapter so far. I've yet to hurt my foot from playing. But perhaps I should, because of this certain couincidence... but that's just me being romantic determinist or some shit.
Music is a softening experience for me.
My DDR skills are dissipating.
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