April 18, 2007

• Failure

  He's so fragile, so delicate...and it is obvious that he is completely and utterly in love with me.  To him, I am everything he could ever want.  He left this on my desktop this morning:

  This is a list of reasons why I love you Katie and why you are so special to me.
  
  - You're smart.  You know lots of interesting things about everything, like nature and science and math and video games and lots of other things.  You learn and understand things in our math classes so much easier than me and always get better grades.  I really believe you're smart enough to do anything if you wanted to.
  
  - You work hard.  You always get all of your work done and more.  You go the extra step in all your classes by talking to the professors and doing the Honors stuff.  You started the DDR club and helped start MUGD and are a part of a million other things at the same time, but you still have time to love me and take care of me.  I would never be able to do all the those things at the same time.  I think you're really amazing. 
  
  - You're attractive.  Everything about you is beautiful.  Your eyes are a pretty green/brown like a magical forest.  Your hair is soft and smells nice and is shiny and pretty.  Your eyelasses are long and sexual and I love when you brush them against me.  Your skin is soft and smooth and warm.  I think that you have the nicest curves of any girl I've ever seen and that you're skinny and nice to hold.  You're just the right size for me to hold.  My favorite thing is to feel your wonderous glory against me.  Your lips are soft and pink and taste nice when I kiss you.  I enjoy the noises you make when I'm pleasuring you, they really turn me on.  I like all the ways you touch me because they all make me feel good all over my body.
  
  - You're nice.  You always suprise me with things that special and unique like the alliance shirt.  The things you get me are really special to me and I want to wear them all the time and take care of them so I can wear them for a really long time.  You always think of me and tell me nice things and make me feel like the best guy in the world.  You comfort me when I'm sad and protect me when I'm scared.  You're always there when I need you.
  
  - You're fun to be with.  I can talk to you for hours about nothing and at all and still have a great time.  You make funny jokes and laugh at mine.  You have the same kind of humor as me and laugh when I fart.  You have interesting and intelligent things to say and talk about and you don't say bad things about me.  You do lots of little silly things that make me happy in my heart like rolling in the leaves and playing with kittens.  You like to do fun things but don't like to do lame things like drinking or smoking.
  
  -
  
  In summary you're the best girl friend I could ever wish for.  You make my life wonderful and special.  When I see you my heart is filled with joy.
  
  I'm running out of time to write things right now, but there are a million pages I could write on why you are special to me.  I love you more than any words can say.

  He cries a lot now.  He is frightened.  In his own words, "Before I met you all I had to live for is the hope that I would meet you...and if I lose you I'll have nothing to live for anymore."  How is it that I can so easily fall out of love with this huddled mass of infinite love for myself?

  Well, even if I don't have an explanation, it's still happening.  More and more each day I feel it.  If only I could talk to Jason, I think he could clear it up.  I think the AIM conversation would go a little like this:

  Katie:  Hey.
  Jason:  alos
  Katie:  How's it goin'?
  Jason:  blah blah blah (something about not liking induction or whining about his life)
  Katie:  blah blah blah (something about comforting him with a stupid example from my own experience)
  Katie:  So...if I broke up with **** right now, would you go out with me?
  -pause-
  Jason:  no
  Katie:  What about after 6 or 7 months?
  Jason:  no...are you going to break up with ******* for me?
  Katie:  Well...not anymore.  Now I'm just going to break up with him so I can be single.
  -pause-
  Jason:  righty.  good luck with that
  Jason:  i need some [insert mealtime here].  anything else?
  *big sigh from me*
  Katie:  Nah...thanks for your time.

  I always like to pretend that he jerks off after every conversation with me.  For example, sometimes I say things like:

  Katie:  You're no idiot.  You know I wanna be on you like white on rice.
  -pause-
  Katie:  So...uh...blah blah blah

  That pause could very well be a lack of ability to type because of the occupation of the hands.  Or maybe he just hates me and only talks to me because I'm going out with his best friend, so he finds it inappropriate to respond to my blatant sexual passes at him.  I think the latter is probably the truth.

  We'll see what happens, like I said.  I'll keep updating...more for myself than my readers.  I need these blunders of mine well documented so that I can learn from them in the future.

  • 1:32 pm
  • 1 Comment