April 23, 2007

• I suck at this...

  This is the current situation:

  He's not my male anymore.  We had sex yesterday and I just knew afterward that I couldn't be his girlfriend anymore.  I had to make it stop.  The whole time I was thinking of Jason and how he would taste and feel and look in the same positions.  I almost said Jason's name.  I had to end the suffering.  It's not as bad as it seems, though.  I guess since I can't say "my male" anymore I will just say Mike.  Mike took it pretty well and I think we will be okay as just friends and roommates over the summer.  We have lots of the same interests and have fun together...but I'm just not interested in him sexually anymore.  I am hopeful that everything will work out and I feel a good vibe about the whole "just friends" thing.  We may have to work at it at first since a over a year long relationship often makes things like hugs and such second nature, but I think that eventually we can...or I can work out exactly what is going on in my head.

  Meanwhile, Jason is making me really sad.  I called him, which I shouldn't have done anyway and then he called Mike and told him.  That's what I get for trying to get with a set of best friends.  The funny thing is that Mike doesn't really like Jason all that much.  He always says that he's a good friend, but he couldn't talk to him about anything important.  I feel kind of bad for Jason since he seems to hold Mike in so much higher regard.  Also, he is pretty standoffish whenever I talk to him on AIM.  I just told him I would leave him alone until he felt like talking to me, but if that is never I would like to know, too.  I mean, I know this is a pretty turbulent time for all college kids.  Classes are coming to a close and it is a mad scramble to get all the information you need in your head in time for finals, but at least he could say either yes I want you to talk to me or no I don't want you to talk to me.  That's all I ask.  And really, if he doesn't want me to talk to him then why am I even bothering in the first place.  Anyways, it's just pissing me off a lot.  I'll be so glad when summer is here and I can just try and relax.

  So, I'm about to go back on my promise not to talk to him, so we will see how that goes.

  • 10:41 pm
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