April 25, 2007
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waiting = my weakness
I hate the waiting. I know that Mike and I are pretty much over. I don't think we will get back together. I hate waiting to find out how living together will go. I hate waiting to see if I will mess up and accidentally kiss him or hug him. I hate all the waiting. I want my mind to go to sleep for the next couple weeks and for it to then wake up when I have finished my last final.
I also hate waiting for Jason. Will he call me or did he mean that it was my responsibility to call him in a couple weeks when his stuff was finished? Will he give me a chance? Is it all way to soon for him? Is it all way too soon for me? I just need the answers to these questions so the sickness in my stomach can gtfo and I can get on with my life. Over and over and over I think about everything that's going on and it's like I live for weeks within my head in a matter of 30 or 40 minutes while I walk or when I'm trying to sleep or when I'm doing homework or when I'm in class. Time passes so slowly. I need the weeks to be gone. I don't want to wish away my life, but I do want to wish away the end of this semester.
On the upside, I will officially be not an officer of the DDR Club next semester. I can pass the torch and get on to things that will better my resume to a greater degree. Today I got elected as the President of AIChE (American Institute of Chemical Engineers) and as the Vice President of Communications of MESC (Mizzou Engineering Student Council). Bitches betta recognize when I get all up in their grills with my rizzlume. I'z gonna get me some JIZZOBZZ!!!
Anyway, as soon as all this "who am I going to have sex with over the summer" stuff is over, I'll be back on track. Hopefully everything will work itself out. Really, it usually does if you just leave it alone. I'm applying that rule to Jason. I didn't get on AIM all day and I don't plan to ever again...mostly because I hate instant messaging. If he wants to talk to me in the meantime, then he can call me or talk to me on WoW if I get time to play. I really hope it all works itself out. I'm really banking on it because if I didn't believe it I would go crazy right now.
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