May 4, 2007

• One more day...

  I'm so tense.  My back literally hurts because of all the anticipation.  I want Jason to call me.  Will he call me tomorrow?  If he doesn't and I call him will he be angry?  Should I wait until Sunday before calling him myself?  Does he want me to call him?  Was he ever really planning on calling me in the first place?  When we do finally talk what will his final decision be?  Will he give me a chance?  If he does, what if I find out he's not really that cool and all the hoping and dreaming was for nothing?  Can I deal with not actually having a "love of my life" for a while if it turns out he doesn't want me?  Why am I so strong when it comes to everything but my own feelings?  Why am I so helpless and fragile in the face of these kinds of situations?

  One thing I can say in my own defense is that at least it's not like last time when I started having sex with Mike before breaking up with my boyfriend Brandon, effectively cheating for the first time in my life.  At least in this situation I HAVE indeed broken up with Mike and am indeed single.  I'm not lying to anyone.  Everyone knows everything.  I don't have the live with the guilt of deceiving someone this time.  I don't have to regret the transition this time.
  
  An aside to Jason:

  GOD DAMN, Jason!  Call me!  Fucking call me already!!!  What the hell are you doing that is so important that you can't call me!!!  Call me!!!  I won't sleep!!  I barely slept for three out of the nine hours I was laying in my bed last night!!!  Get your ass home already and get all your crap settled so you can call me!!  Finals couldn't have been that bad this week!!  You know they weren't!  You're a smart kid, you probably didn't even study!  What did you do?!  You DIDN'T CALL ME!!  You didn't get on AIM, you didn't log onto WoW, you didn't do nothin'.  I bet you just wandered around on some beautiful beach in Michigan and watched the water ripple around your toes.  Would you have called me already if you wanted to?  I mean...I guess I understand why you wouldn't want to.  I'm one crazyass bitch, or at least so I've noticed in the last few months...but the least you could have said that.  You could have just said, "No, Katie, you are a crazyass bitch and I don't want to talk to you again ever."  Instead you say, "I'll consider it," when I ask you on a date and that you will indeed talk to me when your finals are over.  Did you mean it?  DID YOU?!?  You better call me tomorrow or I'm probably going to break my spine from the tension that is building in my back and shoulders.  Please?  Pretty, pretty please with ultra sugar frosting of infinite goodness on top???  If only you knew how incredibly happy it would make me to see your name on my cell phone and hear your voice on the other end saying, "So, what weekend did you want to get together?  Yes, I love Robert Heinlein, too!  Oh man, yeah, I love watching House because he is awesome and my hero, too!  Oh yeah, I'm really bored with playing World of Warcraft, too, and would love to play Sex with Katie instead.  That's an epic idea!  Oh, I agree, it is really annoying when Mike just argues for the sake of argument or gets randomly angry for no reason.  I don't do that ever.  Well, see you for our date during which we will talk for hours and then make out for an equally long amount of time!"  So, in conclusion, call me you sexy bastard!  Just call me!  CALL ME!!!

  • 11:37 pm
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