May 7, 2007
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I'm trying.
Today has been nice so far. I opened my eyes before my alarm went off and set it back another 20 minutes because I love doing that. When it was finally time for me to get up I caught the alarm before it went off so I didn't have to hear it. I hate alarms, but I love the try and beat the alarm with your internal clock game!
Anyway, I shuffled off to my logic final and was stopped twice by old friends for a quick chat about finals and fun times this summer. Consequentially, I was smiling for the remainder of the trip to my final. Upon arriving at the building, I noticed a small crowd had gathered around something. I went over to look and found another of my friends observing as well. It was some kind of Asian puppet performance which was supposed to bring good luck to those who watched for finals. I, believing firmly that if you believe in luck you will have it, watched for a few moments and then went into my final. The final, which had been said to be very long and tedious, turned out to take me only half the time given for it. I was pleased.
Because I finished so early when I came back out of the building, my friend was actually working the puppet with his group (learning to make the puppet do the dance was the final for his Japanese class) so I sat on Brady fountain and watched for a bit, noticing that a mating pair of my friends were also watching. The fountain made me feel like I was in California and the company was great as we talked. I couldn't have asked for a better way to start the morning.
I strolled back to my dorm and met my roommate there, she being done with a final as well. We shared stories and then decided to go with each other for moral support to find out the results of our last Mass and Energy Balance test as well as whether or not we each had to take the final. Finding out that I currently have an A- in the class without taking the final, which is actually another exam that can be used to replace a previous exam, made me very happy. I should easily without studying be able to get at least a 77% on the final (my worst test was a 77%) and raise my grade to an A. Even if I don't, I'm sort of hoping for an A- somewhere this semester. That way I will be out from under the task of working for a 4.0 throughout my entire college career...which I think would make me look like a complete social outcast. Plus, I won't have to explain to people anymore that I do indeed have friends and I do indeed do things other than study when they ask me what my GPA is if I'm majoring in Chemical Engineering. My roommate was pleased also because she was very frightened that her grade was perhaps a B- or C, but it turned out to be a strong B, giving her the oportunity to raise it up to a B+ if she took the final. We returned to the dorm, satisfied that our hard work and infinite whining about homework, projects and studying had paid off.
Moving on, I knew that the day would be crappy for a bit, because both Mike and I have Differential Equations and our final is tomorrow at 1 pm. Therefore, we planned on studying together. I called him and invited him to eat with me. I decided on Panera (a triumph for me as I am working towards being less indecisive all the time about completely pointless things) and went to pick him up. He was tired and cranky because he didn't go to sleep until 3:30 am and had a final at 8 am. Irritating. There was a homeless man in the parking garage who tried to take my change from me. Irritating. There was nowhere to sit at Panera after I had already paid for my parking spot. Irritating. I decide on Bangkok Gardens instead and we headed there. Unfortunately, in my haste to get away from the homeless man, I had parked poorly in the garage, and since I am a bit OCD about parking I had to return to fix the parking job before we ate. Irritating. Mike decided that he didn't want to study after we ate and instead wanted to take a nap, leaving me to wait for him to study rather than just getting it done so I could do fun stuff. Irritating. So, I dropped him off, took all my porn from out of his room and left him to nap.
However, despite the fact that Mike is overall very irritating and some of the things that randomly happened while I was with him were irritating, I tried to stay in a happy mood. I had a very nice morning and I realized that I have a crapton of friends who are really fun to hang out with and talk to. I also realized that I feel strangely better by just thinking that I should feel better and trying not to think about angry/sad/annoying things as much. That thing where you can make yourself better mentally just by thinking you are better is definitely at least a tiny bit rooted in truth I think. After a single morning and part of an afternoon, I feel at least twice as good as I did yesterday.
One little tiny thing that is nagging me and I can't help but think about every so often is that I wish I could appologize to Jason for hassling him. Unfortunately, he won't answer the phone, isn't on AIM and hasn't called Mike. Really, if he doesn't call me back, then he probably doesn't deserve an appology because that's reasonably rude in itself. Regardless, that's just a little tiny thing and I think after a couple of days I'll stop feeling bad about it and easily move on.
So, in summary, my whole plan to try and be happier overall seems to be working pretty well already. I'm a little worried about how I'm going to get around hanging out with Mike all the time since we have all the same friends, will be living in the exact same room and do all the same stuff, but I'm sure that things will work themselves out and turn out okay.
Whether it's really awkward living with Mike or just a little annoying every so often, it's still really awesome that I get my first real place where I have my own bedroom and kitchen and bathroom and livingroom that belong to me. I can buy whatever food I want and cook whatever I want because I'll have a stove! I'll also have a place to go when I just want to sit, play my Gameboy and listen to music uninterrupted, which isn't possible here in the dorms. I'll be working full-time for a bit also, which I have never done before, so that should be interesting and also enjoyable for the increased cashflow. I guess really what this summer will turn out to be is a learning experience. I will learn how to deal with ex-boyfriends, full-time jobs and paying for rent and food and all that. It will be a little trial run for after graduation, and trial runs always make the real thing go more smoothly.
Anyway, yeah, I'm feeling better and I think I'm gonna put on some tunes and learn me some math so I can roxor the final tomorrow. Good luck to all who read this and are studying hard, too! Remember to do some fun crap to break up the horrible bore of studying for a cumulative final. Also, if anyone knows any random Asian virgins, send them over hear so I can remove their clothing and have my way with them.
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