May 8, 2007

• I can't help it...

  He's really attractive.  Sometimes it seems like really attractive > irritating and boring.  I still want to take all his little clothes off...I just don't want to talk to him afterwards anymore.  Is that bad?  Does that make me a bad person?  Yes, but I am also a person who is addicted to giving other people pleasure, so I think it evens out.  He likes it, I like it, why not do it?  Because I have to let him go.  I have to remember that things didn't work so well and regardless of the fact that he is indeed the most attractive male I have ever seen I can't just keep his hopes up.  It's cruel.

  Anyway, I'm sure I'll meet another delicate featured male with broad shoulders and a tiny waste who looks like a scholar with his glasses on and an elf with them removed.  But the question is, will this other fantastically attractive male be any better than Mike? 

  I guess I've started asking myself if Mike is really that bad.  I haven't come up with a clear answer yet.  I mean, we get along fine...it's just that he is really boring unless he is naked and I am punishing him.  I don't know how I feel really.  I guess the real question here would be, "Is it worth the risk of giving up something that's alright in the hopes of finding something better if the end result could also be never finding anyone else?"

  Let's run the tests I learned from my Logic class on this problem, in honor of the final I took this morning:

  Alright, so let's say in any 1000 people there are 50 that I would deam attractive.  Now let's say that of those 50 people, 20% are more compatible in the brain with me than Mike is.  So that leaves 10 people out of every 1000 that I would rather be with over Mike, based on these completely made up numbers.  Let's say that in a day I have the opportunity to talk to 500 people if I talked to every person I saw on the street, in class and in buildings and restaurants.  Of those 500, 25 would be talkworthy due to attractiveness and of those 25, 5 would be worthy of dating.

  5/500 = 1/100 = 1%

  One percent of the people I see in a day could be dateworthy, if my numbers are anywhere close to correct, which I have no way of telling.  So, let's assign values to Mike and then these other people.

  Mike = 75 (representing that 75% of his qualities are satisfying to me)
  Other people who are better than Mike = 90 (representing that 90% of their qualities are satisfying to me)

  So, let's calculate the EMV...or should I say QMV for this "gambling" risk situation:

  QMV = (probability of finding another person)(net gain in quality for finding another person) - (probability of not finding another person)(net loss in quality for losing Mike) = (1/100)(15) - (99/100)(75) = - 74.1% quality

  So, for every day that I stay broken up with Mike to search for other people, I can expect to lose 74.1% quality in my partners.  Now, really, because I can only lose Mike once, each day that I searched after the first would result in an increase of .15% quality, so it would take me 494 days of being without Mike to make it worthwhile to leave him, assuming that my numbers are correct.  So by the time I'm in my second senior semester at Mizzou, I should have found someone at least as good as Mike, if I talked to every attractive person I saw every day until then.

  Now, this process also doesn't take into account that were I to talk to every attractive person that I met, I would also have to take each of them out on a date to establish if I wanted to date them further.  For every hour that I spent on a date with these random attractive people, I couldn't be talking to other random attractive people, so really it would take longer.  Let's say it would take three times as long to be fair.  That means I would have to spend at least four years searching for other people to find someone at least as good as Mike.

  When I think about it this way and consider the extremely low probabilities, probably lower than my estimated probabilities, of me finding someone else, it seems kind of silly to deprive myself of sexual activity with a reasonably satisfying male even if he is not exactly perfect.  Granted, he is very irritating sometimes, but perhaps everyone is.  I would assume that I can be, and I know lots of other people who are constantly to me, while Mike just is a fair amount of the time.  I don't know anyone who is never irritating.  But, would that really be "love" or would that be settling for your best option given the probability that it would take quite a long time to find someone better?  I think it would be the latter.

  To take into account Mike's feelings, I know that he would be completely satisfied if right now, at this very moment I drove over to his dorm and told him I wanted to marry him and have his babies and all that crap.  He is not "settling" when he is with me.  To him, I am some kind of perfect being, regardless of any of the stupid crap I do.  I think that is love, or should I say I think that is a true feeling of happiness and satisfaction that could last until the end of time.  If he feels that way for me, perhaps I should just settle and allow him to be happy.
  
  What think you, my xanga readers?  What would you do in my situation?  On the one hand, I have the extremely small possibility of finding the perfect person for me (If they exist?) and alienating Mike, forcing him to find someone who, to him, would probably be less satisfying.  On the other hand, I have settling for Mike, a very attractive but slightly annoying male, and allowing him to be completely happy.  Cast your vote and voice your thoughts.

  • 12:59 am
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