May 30, 2007

• It is done.

  The business is finished.  I have once again accepted my male as my perfect match.  Unfortunately, at least part of the cause of the trouble (during the last few entries) was the change to a different kind of birth control, but I cannot blame everything on that.  I'm sure a bit was stress.

  Here's the story with Jason.  Yes, sometimes I daydream about my male and him making sweet man love, and sometimes I even pretend that I am, in fact, Jason while my male and I have sex, but I don't want to have sex with Jason.  For some reason when I was talking to him on WoW that one day and found out he had been having a bad semester, something in my mind snapped and I convinced myself that since we had both had bad semesters that we were perfect for each other and that I should break up with my male.  Strange, yes, but a birth control crazed stressed out mind can create such random connections.  However, I take the blame.  I am not blaming the birth control.  I blame myself and I can never reverse what I did.  I can only be endlessly thankful that my male is an understanding little creature and forgives me for everything without a second guess.  It's his paladin mentality.  He forgives the repentant.

  In summary, I feel fine again.  As soon as I looked at my male and told him I wanted him to be my beautiful sex slave forever and that I would keep him safe from bugs and sadness and all the things that frighten him, the depression melted away.  I am still left with some residue of wanting to date, but I think it will quickly pass.  Now that I am back on my normal birth control it all seems so stupid and idiotic.  How could I crush the hopes and dreams of such a perfect and divine creature?  How could I involve his best friend in trying to ruin his life?  I will never be completely sure why the hell I did any of it.  I can only be thankful that it was forgiven and life can proceed as normal.

  As both of us had not had sex in over a month, last night we engaged in naughty things for nearly six hours.  I am rejuvenated.  He looks so amazing with none of his little clothing on.

  Unfortunately this blog has been compromised.  I will not be posting for quite a while in the hopes that one of my real life acquaintances forgets about this semi-secret place of mine.  I updated with the fact that I am no longer single for him, but there will be no more updates until I am satisfied that he is not reading anymore.  Don't worry, however, I will never shut this site down.  It is a place for me to let go of sadness and to record happiness.  I want to be able to read it when I am 40 or so so that I can remember what it is that my teenage and college age children are going through.  So this is not goodbye, just see you later.

  • 9:02 am
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