January 21, 2008

• So I have a play date with Jason tomorrow.  No, not the Jason.  It's this other guy named Jason who comes in to my workplace all the time.  I play a miniatures game called Warmachine and he plays it's sister game Hordes.  We are both in a league for the game and he is becoming irritated that he hasn't played either me or my male, so I said I would play him after work.

  Every time I see him I think about the Jason.  Sometimes while he's in the store I focus my mind on him and wish really hard that he would just transform into the Jason I want to see instead of the Jason I'm completely neutral on.

  Then I think about what I would do if Jason did actually appear one day.  Would I crumple into a ball and cry until I couldn't cry anymore?  Would I smile, insult him and proceed as I would normally around one of my friends?  Would I leap into the air and tackle him, ripping clothing as I fell onto him?  What would I do?

  I think the second one is the answer.  I was sitting around on my computer with AIM running but set to away hoping he would log on.  He wasn't doing it so I instead decided to read our AIM history.  We had one really long conversation right before all hell broke loose.  It was really about nothing.  We were both complaining about things in our lives and confiding in each other as friends who would listen.  Then I ruined it.  I liked Jason so much better before I told him I wanted to be with him, I mean besides the just kidding kind of stuff that I would say previous to that.  I liked him better when he trusted me as a friend.  I'd rather have that than this obsession with him now.  I'd rather just talk to him like I would any other person.  I'd rather not feel this strange feeling every time I hear his name or see it on AIM or WoW.  I'd rather not feel this weird longing to just talk to him and hope every day that his name will be in my phone as a missed call.

  And yet, I almost enjoy this frustrated pain in my heart.  Am I a masochist?  Perhaps.

  In other news I'm very disappointed by Moonlight Lady.  Too much plot and too much rape.  Rape is alright in moderation if the girl/guy eventually decides that she/he likes it, but if the whole damn thing is rape, especially with grizzly old men I am no longer interested.  That's $18 wasted.  Unless you like lots of chatter, confusion and rape in a hentai, I suggest steering clear.  If you do, then buy Moonlight Lady, because it completely covers all those bases.

  My dissatisfaction with Moonlight Lady even reminds me of Jason because I'm dissatisfied with our current state of affairs.

  What a fun little game I play with myself!  It entertains me while everything else in my life is calm and without any kind of substantial problems.

  • 5:45 pm
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