February 22, 2008

• I drank an entire bottle of Vault because Bax (my co-worker's best friend) and Ryan (my co-worker, not the sexy Ryan I used to stalk) drove to three different gas stations before they found it for me and I felt obliged to enjoy every drop because of their efforts.  Consequently, I lay awake tossing and turning for several hours last night.

  Unfortunately for me, caffeine has a strange effect on my psyche, especially when I am trying to sleep with it in my system.  It's like it frees my mind from the constraints of reality and lets me think in dreams.  Strange things happen as my mind tries desperately to shut itself down for the evening (should I say morning?) and I get weird inclinations that must be quenched before I can sleep.

  At 2:45 AM I began to think of Ryan (the sexy one I used to stalk) and about how I would see him tomorrow in class and about how I would stare at him as much as possible without being noticed, even though I made a blood pact with myself to quit that shit.  At 3:00 AM I began to picture Ryan in that tan jacket of his with a red scarf around his neck...and nothing else on.  This evolved into inventing some kind of ruse on AIM to introduce these thoughts to him.  I ran a couple scenarios through my mind and finally settled on getting up and logging onto AIM to calm my thoughts.

  Unfortunately for me, at 3:15 AM when I logged on he was on, too, and he wasn't idle or anything.  I flipped out but refused to talk to him unless he talked to me first.  After waiting around 45 seconds I resolved the matter by saying he wasn't responding and went back to bed, now somehow relating Ryan with cybering on AIM like I used to do back in the days of 1.2 decades of life.  I imagined what I would say to start it off if he agreed:

  "You wake up in nothing but your sexy tan jacket and a red scarf.  Your glasses are a bit farther down your nose than you normally enjoy, but upon reaching to reposition them you find that your arms are bound to the wall behind you.  Your legs seem to be immovable as well.  What do you do?"

  At about 3:30 AM I again had to get up, resolute that if Ryan did happen to speak to me an away message: "Unless you are in nothing but that sexy jacket and a red scarf staring nonchalantly over your glasses at your computer screen I have nothing to say to you." would greet him.  Then my head flooded with thoughts of my fantasy becoming a reality and the impossibility of me restraining myself in the event that (1) he knew the away message was specifically referenced to him and (2) he came to class the next day wearing a red scarf.  The "red scarf" is essentially the part of my fantasy that isn't real.  Ryan doesn't wear scarves and this is an analogy for me that Ryan doesn't get naked and allow himself to be bound to a wall for Katie.  Were he to be wearing a red (specifically) scarf, the barrier would be torn down and I don't know what would happen.  Would I corner him after class in a secluded part of the engineering building and passionately blow his mind?  I didn't know and I didn't want to find out.  I left AIM alone and didn't change my away message, slowly returning to bed at 3:40 AM.

  This morning I woke up and got on my computer.  An AIM window had popped up at 3:43 AM.  Ryan had greeted me with "rawr" as is his normal ritual.  I'm glad I didn't change my away message.

  • 2:38 pm
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