I learned a lot tonight.

I learned it hurts me when my ugly friends have absolutely gorgeous girlfriends.

I learned that the cheesing episode of South Park is a lot funnier if you have seen Heavy Metal.

I learned that some people delight in putting pewter models in their mouths when they are inebriated.

I learned that I shouldn't say that I want to "squeeze those rockin' tits" when straight women are cuddling their menfolk.

I learned that some people shouldn't throw parties because they have to get up for work at 5 AM and get fussy.

It was a pretty good night.

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I better have at least been on one date by this summer.  I'm so desperately in need of a girlfriend.  I suppose I shouldn't go around taking young ladies out for coffee just to tell them after we make out one night that I am engaged to be married and want to share them with my future husband.  Could be awkward.

Still, after I made that entry about my "muse" she sounded so fabulous that I had a dream about this made up woman and can't get her out of my head.  I hate when I have a dream that I don't want to wake up from.  It makes me feel like I'm abusing sleep like a drug.

I just want to know how it feels to buy a girl exactly what she wants and talk to her about all the things I can't talk to guys about.  I want to complain about bras with her and whine about periods with her and read Loveless with her.  I want to hold her gently against me and kiss her on the neck.  I want to see her smile because I'm with her.  Even if it doesn't go anywhere, I just want to know how it feels.

I often wonder what will happen if I ever do find a girl.  Will I simply implode from the impossibility of the situation what with me being a fat, ugly, gruff human being?  I wonder.

I don't know what to say.  I don't know what to write.

Yesterday I ate a lot of grapes and watched the end of the Death Note.  I was slightly disappointed with the series.

Ugh.  I bore myself.  I thought maybe today I could muster something interesting.

I feel like I've lost my muse.

Where is she?  I imagine if I had a muse she would almost be too beautiful.  Here hair would fall gently down her shoulders and back, trickling like a waterfall made entirely of perfection.  Her face would be long and sharp with cheekbones that appear to be almost protruding from the skin.  Her skin would be so smooth and soft and unendingly amazing that touching it would bring tears to your eyes.  She would be tall and slender and would never wear anything but flowing dresses and gowns.  Perhaps she would adorn her face with flowers or leaves.  Her hands would be long and slender to match the rest of her and she would rest her chin in them and stare at me as I wrote, slowly falling asleep and bringing utter peace to the room.

I want her to come back.