February 18, 2009
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Alright, so here we go. I'm going to try and get everything down in 15 minutes...
There is a squirrel in the ceiling. I know he is there because Sunday morning he fell through the ceiling tiles (which are clear plastic) and broke them, woke my fiance up who subsequently chased him around the room and tried to get him out into the hall, and then jumped back up in the ceiling, leaving my fiance startled, confused and unable to get back to sleep. We noticed that the ceiling tiles had small patches of a yellow substance on them and were told by the maintenance people that it was just grease from the air conditioners (which are also living in the ceiling), but this morning I noticed the previously clean new ceiling tiles had the spots on them again and a new one was forming...underneath the feet of the squirrel. Yes, he was urinating on the kitchen ceiling when I got home. I can't tell you how thoroughly disgusted I am right now. Those yellow patches have always been on the ceiling from the day we moved in, so that means a fucking squirrel has been living in our ceiling for a couple years now. My fiance says he's kind of a fatty squirrel, so we assume that he just got too fat and finally fell through, otherwise we would never have known. Ugh, that was the last straw. I stormed downstairs and asked at the office for some kind of trap to catch him. Inside I placed a bowl of cereal and raspberries as instructed on the intarwebz and had the maintenance crew remove the ceiling tiles to encourage him to jump down and get inside the trap. If we catch him I will personally kill him. Sorry guys, letting him go will result in him returning to the ceiling. Squirrels and other rodents are like dogs and cats. They can find their way home over long distances and even if I drove him hundreds of miles away he might come back, little fucker.
Other than that I'm tired of talking about, being asked about, and being told to plan my wedding. Even MY parents are getting into it now and I just want to tell them all to shut the hell up and leave me alone. I'll do what I want, when I want and how I want it, to quote a wise shake-shaped man. I need to get married over the summer LEGALLY to gain benefits for my husband when I start grad school and I WANT to get fake married on Halloween so I can have a sweet party. DEAL WITH IT! I have other MUCH MORE IMPORTANT things to think about right now.
Also I got into Cornell. I got into fucking Cornell. I can't believe it. It's like a dream. Then, after I got accepted the exact professor I was hoping to work with sent me an e-mail and information about his research and even got me in touch with a real estate agent that he knows personally to find me a house! I honestly expect to wake up soon...
...except maybe this is a half dream/half nightmare what with the goddamn squirrel in my ceiling.
Comments (2)
I think the squirrel thing is hilarious, but that is because it isn't happening to me. The non-ass part of me sympathizes and understands. I would not want a fat squirrel peeing on my ceiling, either. Hopefully you catch the little bastard soon.
YOU MUST PLAN YOUR WEDDING RIGHT NOW IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING LULZ.
If I could go back and plan a wedding again...I wouldn't. Ever. Even if you paid me. Ugh. Not fun. And not important.
This news about Cornell is excellent! I am so happy for you!
Congratulations on the acceptance to Cornell.
Family and friends seem to have a propensity to meddle when you are getting married. Everyone has an opinion and a vision of what they want. The thing I hate the most is when they plan for you and tell you after the fact. Good luck on the nuptials.
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