September 18, 2009

• First Year > Freshman

  Things started happening quickly in late August.  I met the rest of the first year class and signed up for classes.  I added everyone on facebook because I've become rather obsessed with it as a communication tool as well as a photograph archive.  I introduced myself to professors and began making friends.  I labeled everyone for convenience and modified the labels as I gathered new information.  I found that a DDR club was already in existence and happily joined it.  I attended the day where all the clubs are available to learn about and sign up for and got myself wrapped up in a roleplaying game club that has proven quite enjoyable.  I made even more new friends.  I interviewed all the professors and their research groups and am still trying to figure out whose would be best to join.  It's all been quite enjoyable and hectic.

  We made one last (shall I say desperate) pilgrimage after a summer of simply interacting over the internet with her to see if she was still even interested in hanging out with us in person.  We ran the trianglular path through all our old home towns and stayed all day with our old friends which ended in us getting drunk at her apartment and having to say the night.  I can't say that it was on purpose, but looking back I can't say that I tried not to get drunk so that I could drive home later.  Everything seemed fantastic.  She talked with us, joked with us, was playful with us.  She even rested her head on my shoulder as we sat together on the couch and in my drunken stupor I could barely keep myself from wrapping my arms around her and squeezing her with all my might.  It seemed like the idea of being with us had finally taken and she was suddenly interested.  I feel asleep happily on her couch with the pillow she had given me under my head after an absolutely fabulous night hanging out with all my favorite people.

  I woke up the next morning with a headache (I only had two beers and a bit of tequila...) and ended up cleaning up the party before anyone else woke up.  Finally someone woke up, that someone being our friend J who had also slept over with one of the girls A who also lives in the apartment (They are dating and two of our best friends ever!) and I asked him if I could take a shower because I always feel dirty after drinking.  After the shower he came out and we all chatted for a bit until A woke up and thanked me for cleaning up the mess.  I personally think if you get super drunk somewhere and stay the night you are almost required to clean up the mess on principle.  Anyway, we were about to leave when finally she comes out of her bedroom in her little pajamas and says a proper goodbye.  I thought everything was fantastic as we shut the door behind us.

  Unfortunately I had drawn the wrong conclusion, just like one always draws with women.  They are tricky things and their actions don't mean the same thing universally like those of men.  Apparently, laying her head on my shoulder and playing in my hair (which my husband will tell you is my favorite form of physical contact outside of the genitals touching and all that) were only signs of friendship because when I sent her a message about it she pretty much told me we would never ever ever be more than wonderful friends.

  In a way I'm extremely sad.  I've lost my only current love interest (unless you count someone I've never told and don't plan to tell because I only met her briefly and don't want to be a creeper) and I feel kind of hollow.  I love the chase, but at the same time I'm very glad she gave such a direct and undoubtable answer to my questions.  Now I know she's a lost cause and I'm glad to have gotten it all off my chest.  Still, I need something to daydream about so I'm going to have to find someone else to fruitlessly chase after.  Maybe it's engineering but I find myself seeking emotional distress just so I don't have to worry that I'm becoming robotic in my mental activity.

  Anyway, that brings us to now.  I'll make more boring and day's events related posts from here.

  • 9:33 pm
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