September 25, 2009

• I hate my period.  I hate everyone's period.  Menstruation always feels like a punishment for existing as a female human being.  I know it's natural and I know I shouldn't complain about it, but it makes everything so much harder for me.  Even on birth control my cramps are so severe that they impede my ability to even have a conversation.  Also I've never been one of those girls to have the two or three day periods, so I'm stuck for like eight or even nine days bleeding out of my vagina.  It's horrible.  That's why I'm on the kind of birth control where you only have four a year.  Ugh, I just hate periods sooo much.

  I have an exam today.  I'll be glad when it's over.  I can remember in high school when I would look forward to exams because they meant no new busywork to complete.  I loved them because I would go home with no homework and I would play video games nonstop from the time I got home until the time I went to bed.  Then came undergrad.  I was indifferent about tests at this point because they had become difficult enough that I had to study.  Studying properly is kind of like homework.  Still, after they were over I had free time to frolic and had I met people that I actually liked and wanted to hang out.  Now...I'm just afraid of them.  Most courses only have a midterm and a final.  I won't know what they are like until I have already had one and at that point if I fail the midterm I only have the final to make it up.  The course content is a lot more in depth and the subject matter is sometimes over my head, so studying isn't a guaranteed way to even pass exams now.  And I have no free time anyway, so studying for five hours last night resulted in me not getting to do anything fun at all before bed.

  We bought Aion and it seems amazing.  I think I'll get a copy for myself today since it's the weekend and I plan on actually enjoying myself with at least a tiny silver of my time.  I also want to go to the gay bar in town and try to pick up chicks with my new haircut.  I'm scared to go alone but I think that will make me more approachable so I'll probably do it.  This isn't like the times in undergrad where I said I would and then chickened out.  I'm running out of time and I know it.  Soon I'll be in my thirties and I'll have children and fanciful thoughts of mutual girlfriends will decompose into dust and be blown away in the wind.  If I'm going to do it, I've got to do it now before everyone my age has too much baggage to be in a healthy relationship.

  • 9:24 am
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