November 6, 2009
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My life has been a whirlwind of activity lately.
Saturday can't be described in words to the full extent of its perfection. It was exactly how I wanted my wedding to be remembered. The day was everything I had ever hoped for, not in the sense that I had planned my wedding since I was a little girl and blah blah blah, but in the sense that all the important people were there and the atmosphere of the gathering was so warm and comforting and Mike and I felt so loved and cared for that I cried when we went to bed and left everyone, saying we would meet up for goodbyes at 9 AM. Over the course of the evening there was food and OpenITG and drinking games and lots and lots of chatting. The food was fine and we did a wonderful job with the decorations and almost everyone came in costume aside from a few adults, but none of that really mattered. What mattered and what made the day wonderful was seeing everyone, seeing their bright happy faces laughing and chatting and smiling. I normally abhor hugs from people other than my sexual partners and family, but as everyone was saying goodbye in the early afternoon on Sunday I got so many hugs and didn't even bat an eye. These people who I used to call friends, that's not what they are anymore. They are my family. Perhaps one could define it as "friends for life" or something similar, but as each person packed up and said goodbyes and left, I knew that I would see them again. It was such a strange yet familiar and comforting feeling. I have never felt so satisfied as I did Sunday morning. I will hold onto that feeling for the rest of my life.
Sunday afternoon consisted of visiting my grandmother, being given too many pies and cakes and then being accused of alcoholism because she saw us drinking those Mike's Hard things. I had three. Hardly call to suggest I am an alcoholic. I was relieved to finally get on the road and I know that my grandmother really appreciates our visits, but she's so manipulative and she creates problems where none previously existed and I'm not one to put up with such things, grandmother or no. The drive home was relatively uneventful. We stopped by my husband's home to visit his parents quickly before heading back to Illinois. We were glad to be home and unpacked the car before slumping on the futon and relaxing.
We opened all the gifts when we got home after resting for a few moments. Mostly money, some knives, and a really soft blanket, but one gift stood out. It was possibly the most creative and thoughtful gift I have ever received for any reason. It came from one of our friends and it was a picture frame filled with pictures. They weren't just any pictures, mind you, but carefully selected pictures representing all our friends and the silliest or happiest times we had together. I looked it over after I pulled it out of the wrappings and tears streamed down my face. Even my husband choked back a sob. There are people here, and they are fantastic...but no one can replace the friends we've made in Columbia. We both miss them so much! And those pictures made me realize that we would always be in each others' hearts, even when we are far away and can't see one another in person. Perhaps you think this all sounds droll and contrived, but I didn't feel like this at all when I left high school. There were maybe two or three people I had interest in seeing again and staying in touch with and one of them reads this blog and her first name starts with N. Everyone else could absolutely go suck a giant dick. But now, this longing I have to be with the people I care about is so strong and I've never felt it before. It's rather soul crushing sometimes late in the evening when I want to cook a bunch of bacon and watch stupid horror movies and I become rather depressed. But those feelings pass and those pictures now sit on display in our living room so that they can help me through the sadness. I'm so thankful and lucky.
Edit: I'm retarded. I forgot my own birthday.
Monday began normally, but emboldened by the newly obtained money, my husband and I went on a bit of a spending spree in the evening. We bought a shredder, some stationary for thank you notes, several other random things we had been needing and finally a 160 GB iPod Classic to replace my 3 GB one that could no longer handle all my music. I was happy, but I look my old one and I can almost hear it crying out to me, asking why I no longer love it. I named it Rin. My husband gave it to me for my birthday several years ago and I was overjoyed and danced around and listened to it all the time until one fateful day when we bought too many CDs for it to handle. When I couldn't decide what to delete it became a kind of impossibility to listen to my iPod, facilitated by one of my neurotic mental blocks. It was like my iPod was frozen in time, a time when I had less music. I was frightened of what would happen if I plugged it in and it couldn't take all the music. Would it delete what it couldn't handle? I didn't know. I don't trust iTunes or iPods or any Apple products and only used them only because my husband bought me one so long ago. Regardless, it was almost like leaving home and later hearing that my parents go rid of the computer I played games on from age 9 to 18. It was like I had lost a friend. Even though it was obselete we had been through a lot together. Anyway, Rin is sitting next to my husband's computer, waiting for him to accept an Apple product into his life. I don't know if he is ready to do that. We are both such avid PC fans that I often wonder why he bought me an iPod at all, or why I insisted on replacing it. People are strange things sometimes. So now there is Larry. I wanted to name the shredder Larry but my husband was like, "What? We bought something referred to as a shredder and you're going to name it Larry? Name it Shredder after the bad guy from Ninja Turtles!!" So the iPod is Larry and he is happily resting next to my laptop. He is safe I think, safe from the abandonment that technological devices have to suffer through when they become obsolete. Considering I only have 4 GB of music at this time and I don't think I even like 160 GB of music I don't think he will ever fill up. You never know, though. I guess if I ever start carrying videos around with me he might be in danger. I won't tell him right now. I'll let him enjoy this honeymoon period for a little longer. Then I'll download all the episodes of Red Dwarf and the dream will be broken.
Tuesday was my birthday, but since I kind of got my present on Monday I wasn't particularly concerned. The fact of the matter was that I felt like a complete douche taking my husband out shopping the day before my birthday, not because it was my birthday but because it was the day that Dragon Age Origins came out. He really wanted that game and we ended up being to lazy to go out and get it at midnight. Tuesday morning I got up with him and after he left I drove to Best Buy and waited by the doors until they opened, ran inside, found the fat guy who was unpacking the new releases and asked for a collector's edition copy for the PC. I got back just in time to leave it on his computer chair with a little note and then run outside to catch the bus to campus. I couldn't come home for lunch but he called me on his lunch break and was so happy and surprised that I marked the day off as a success even though the rest of the day consisted of me finishing my NSF Proposed Plan of Research essay. He insisted on taking me out to dinner even though I protested and I got this really good white chocolate bread pudding for dessert and it was pretty much the best birthday ever even though it wasn't really like a birthday at all.
Wednesday and Thursday were more NSF editing and today has been relatively nice now that I'm waiting on Charles (I'm never going to get used to calling him that) to edit my drafts. I had a late lunch with my husband and then took a trip to the Goodwill with a classmate to get some trashy clothing for the Halloween party this evening. Yes, a week late, but graduate students are busy. We are all dressing up as zombies together and when my husband gets off work we are going to head to the gathering place and get our make-up on. I'm glad he kept some of those really crappy shirts from his high school years because I think we are going to get them pretty messy. Should be fun and I am looking forward to it.
There. That gets us up to date.
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