February 23, 2010
-
So I'm anxiously awaiting my period, hoping it will start around the 28th or so. It's funny because I had prepared myself to never again have to worry about such things, yet here I am. It's nerve racking. I can feel eyes on me, judging me for my lack of resolve and my compulsive decision making, but they are my own eyes so I can't escape them. Why do I judge myself so harshly, consider every mistake over and over until it is burned into my brain? I suppose it's only human nature to be so constantly obsessed with one's own successes or failures.
I've been so busy lately. There is so much to do as a graduate student that I rarely finish everything I set out to do in a day. And when I come home there is cooking and cleaning and washing and exercising so much so that I am feeling a little lost and helpless. The restless spirit of the girl I used to be, playing video games for 24 hour periods without food and going to bed at 5 AM only to get up again at 7 AM, is crying to be let free of her dark, damp cell and help me remember what it is like to actually procrastinate. Consequently, I've stumbled into some kind of limbo between working extremely hard and completely letting myself go to the gods of laziness and relaxation, that being staying up until 4 AM playing video games and getting up at 10 AM to go into lab, followed by going home at 6 PM and beginning the cycle anew. I hope it will keep me from becoming burnt out on the less enjoyable aspects of my life. No one wants a repeat of the time of troubles prompting that one fateful phone call that I complained so incessantly about a few years back.
I'll write more later. Right now I want to go home and play Mass Effect 2. Spoilers, you don't get to see Tali's face so I'm fucking Jack.
Recent Comments