April 20, 2010

• There are days when everything falls into place effortlessly.  Saturday was one of those days.  As is my way, I immediately sat down at my computer upon waking and went about idly checking my intarwebs.  A wide smile crept across my face because the only person I'm excited to talk to on gmail chat was online.  I had hope that perhaps we could spend a bit of time together over the weekend and sent her a short message asking if she was free.  She wasn't, of course, what with homework and studying sucking up her time, so I sighed and resigned myself to relaxing at home for another uneventful Saturday.  But then she mentioned that one of her roommates was planning a barbecue, hinting that it would be a very poor study environment.  I saw my opportunity and quickly offered my barbecue free apartment as a study location.  She happily excepted and said that I could come pick her up after she had gotten off work.  I was ecstatic and started fussing about what I would wear and if my hair looked too stupid, even though she had seen me in my pajamas on one occasion when I came over to her place to borrow her sewing machine.

  As her time at work came to a close I looked for her online and picked her up.  She offered to bring her sewing machine over and it was like she had read my mind because I had prepped a bunch of costume parts to be sewn together the previous evening.  We spent the entire evening together, first with me sewing furiously and she and the hubs watching television with some intermittent chatting, then dinner near campus after checking on my cultures, then respectful silence while she worked on her homework, I continued to sew and my husband played Pokemon with the sound off.  It all felt so right and natural, as though we had been spending time together like this for months.  I sneaked a few peeks at the two of them sitting together on the futon and stared happily for a few seconds at their focused faces thinking about how incredibly lucky I was to be experiencing this blissful Saturday evening.  But all good things must come to an end and eventually she needed to get home so she could rest for another long day of studying.  We decided to make a visit to Steak 'n Shake prior to dropping her off at home, and while our order took quite a while to come out I took this as a boon of extra time to spend.  I knew I had to tell her how I was feeling and as she left the car and waved goodbye I considered how best to do so.

  Earlier in the evening we had been discussing rants, mainly because I had been ranting about how much I hated reading Twilight, and I said that I usually reserve ranting for my blog.  This seemed to catch her attention and she commented that I would have to give her the website for it.  A couple hours after we had gotten back home this thought occurred to me and I thought to myself, "Perhaps this blog would be the perfect way to let her know what a big silly 7th grade crush I have on her," because I had made an entry about it only a few days before.  So I sent her a quick e-mail and offered to share my blog with her, giving a disclaimer that it's mostly whining but also indicating that I had recently mentioned her in an entry.  She sent me a curious reply, but unfortunately told me that her internet at home had not been paid for so she wouldn't be able to be online very much.  I sent her my username and my condolences, wistfully wondering if this was the universe telling me that she wouldn't like what I had written.  To my surprise she sent me a message a little later telling me that her curiosity had taken hold and she had paid the internet bill (even though it was not her responsibility and her roommate was supposed to do it) so that she could read my blog.  I felt a little guilty, but as I read on that faded into sheer joy because she responded positively to the content.  I almost cried with relief.  Not only did she now know how I was feeling but she felt the same way!  I was in a fog the rest of the day, daydreaming.  I can't wait for the next time we see one another.  I'm going to wrap my arms around her and just hold her like I've been wishing I could since I met her.  Summer will be great, too, especially if my husband has quit his job, because we'll be able to hang out a lot more without schedules conflicting or lots of homework hanging over our heads.  Ah, I feel so lucky right now.

  It's amazing how much better my life is when I focus on what would make me happy instead of pleasing societal norms.  I stop worrying over what my parents will say when my husband is jobless and my stress just melts away.  I ignore the taboo against polyamorous relationships and I meet the girl of my dreams.  I'm just...so satisfied right now.  I feel wonderful.  I had some more mundane things to talk about but they seem kind of silly now, so I'll just leave it at that.

  • 5:48 pm
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