May 13, 2010
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Classes are over and it's time for me to focus on my research. I feel like I should be more excited than I am. Now I don't have short segments of time blocked out during which I must be seated in a classroom, nor am I beholden to my husband's work schedule since his last day was the 7th, but my life still feels really disjointed at this point. Even though I've really been looking forward to ACen I think I will also be glad when it is over, not because I think it won't be fun or anything like that but because I'll finally be able to get settled in to a weekly schedule.
I'm really tired of traveling and being away from home. It basically sucks the life out of me because I have so much trouble sleeping in any bed but my own. Traveling just isn't restful or fun or exciting to me. I would rather be at home 99 times out of 100. I feel much more rested in my own space with my own things and not living out of a little bag for days at a time. Another problem with it is that I have to take days off from work, and while that might be fine for most work places, my professor makes me feel like I'm a terrible graduate student whenever I broach the topic with him, especially this weekend because I just traveled for Mother's Day and now I'll be away at ACen the very next weekend. Biological work doesn't lend itself well to being put on hold and I know that's what he's thinking when I tell him I'll be out of town for any amount of time.
Speaking of traveling for Mother's Day, I really didn't enjoy it. When we arrived in St. Louis it was apparent that my husband's parents were fighting between themselves about something. They were moody and cold the whole time and that combined with the dogs and the super uncomfortable guest bed that we are forced to sleep on made me never want to visit them again. They can come up here if they want to see us. And my parents were fine, except that they brought up my husband's job in every conversation and we kind of had to tell a bunch of half truths to keep everything smooth. Even more, I bought my mom a board game she really loves while we were out on Mother's Day even though I had already given her a gift and my husband got rather grumpy and angry about it because we don't have a lot of money now and are trying to budget. It really frustrated me because now all the money that we will be spending is coming solely from my income, so I think I have the right to buy a stupid board game for my own mother on Mother's Day if I feel like it. It's not like I just threw the budget away when I bought the board game. I was thinking about it and calculating to make sure we would be fine, so having someone rudely explain to me that doing extra things for my mom was unnecessary really hurt my feelings, especially considering who that someone was. It was just a terrible trip in general. I know it made both our families happy and I know everyone misses us, but I just hate trips like that so much. The only redeeming factor was seeing our Columbia friends for a bit, but it was such a short bit that it just left me missing them that much more because I knew those few hours would be the most I would see of them, possibly for months.
I'm sorry. I'm so emo right now, but I can't help it. I'll make a happier entry later.
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