June 24, 2011
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I just got back from Chicago with a stupid email from my adviser waiting for me to ruin my day. I’m really getting sick of his passive-aggressive shit at this point, especially when I just got amazing results and spent the trip analyzing it in the car and while Mike and my friends were asleep. Here’s the email:
Dear All,
I would like to clarify expectations regarding work hours and general group policy. Before I can do this, it would greatly help if you can tell me about your current work habits.
Please respond to this email and let me know your current work hours (daily), and if there are any “special” circumstances or work habits.
Thank you,
[insert adviser's name]Basically, he told us all we could keep our own hours as long as we were making progress. Since that statement, he has sent a bunch of emails really similar to this, usually right after someone is out of town for even a 24 hour period without telling him. This time I’m sure it was spurred on by me and it pisses me off! I get my work finished! I work hard! In fact, the day before the trip I stayed at the lab for 12 hours to make sure that I wouldn’t need any of the software we have while I was traveling. I signed up ahead of time for microscope time tomorrow and Saturday so I would hopefully get some data to analyze on over the ASEE conference. I have always been a very driven and self motivated person. You have to be to get into graduate school! But here he is questioning my (and my coworkers’) work ethic at every turn! And you know, even if you would have been glad to do someone otherwise, the instant someone insists that you do it you don’t want to anymore. It’s just such a stinking pile of bullshit. He has no idea how to manage a group of graduate students. That’ll teach me for picking an adviser who’s still trying for tenure.
Every time he sends one of these stupid emails it makes me think EVEN HARDER about switching to a different lab after I get my masters. I mean seriously, fuck him!
Anyway…now that I got that out of my system…
The visit with my…I’ll call her my “current crush” because I get so giddy about hanging out with her that it’s like a high school crush. The visit with her was pretty much awesome, especially the time before we picked up her friend (who is also pretty cool). We were all just driving around and hanging out, and we started talking about relationships and things and she really opened up. We were talking about past relationships, good and bad, and it made me feel really comfortable. She must trust us. I feel like that is the first step in any relationship.
However, the problem is we’re about as smooth as sandpaper, both of us. I’m awful at saying the right thing at the right time (like thinking someone is pretty when I see them, but then waiting to say it until I feel awkward just saying it, and then just giving up and not saying it), and Mike is so shy that he often avoids physical contact even though he really really wants it. Consequently, I think we can sort of come off as disinterested. She seemed so open and interested when we first arrived, but as time when on (and probably because her friend was also there) she got a bit distant. Thus, I analyze everything I said and did, wondering if I did something wrong or if she wasn’t interested in the first place or if I’m overanlayzing everything by wondering if I’m overanalyzing everything, etc…
So who knows? I had a lot of fun. It was a good trip, but I’m left with this sinking feeling that I did something horribly wrong (even though I’m sure I didn’t). She let us borrow Silent Hill and Silent Hill 2, so I figure after I beat one of them I’ll send her a facebook message about it and maybe sneak in some kind of subtle comment about a possible relationship. She’s really awesome, even more because of some of the conversations we had about love, relationships, and family values. I shouldn’t be this nervous about everything because I know even if I tell her Mike and I are falling for her things won’t get awkward. Even if she isn’t interested I don’t think she would stop hanging out with us. She’s way too chill for that kind of thing…at least I hope… Okay, seriously, I need to stop freaking out.
