With the summer continuing as is its want to do so, I am left with such feelings of lethargy that I am hard-pressed to do anything with my normal fervor. Even hentai has lost some of its appeal. I think that is why I am not getting very far in the writing of my book. I want to write it, I just don't have the true drive to at a majority of times. I usually just resign myself to playing World of Warcraft or thinking about my future. I am not complaining, just hoping that my unbreakable will to get things done returns with the turning of the leaves. However, I am still doing very well, considering my hatred for summer.
This summer is actually turning out much better than most I have lived through. My male is simply something out of this world. He loves so deeply and joyfully that even when we are apart I am still happy, knowing his love. Perhaps that is why I enjoy thinking of the future so often in these dark...summer times. The thought of us, living in our dream house together, each with our dream jobs and raising our dream children, perhaps with our dream mutual Asian girlfriend...it just makes me happy to the point of tears.
That brings me to another topic...my dreams. They get stronger with each passing day. For a moment they dwindled, but they have returned, stronger than ever. My mind is once again occupied at almost every moment with the thought of my upcoming roommate, the possibilities of her being a bisexual Asian with a taste for threesomes. I also continue to run senarios through my mind, thinking about all kinds of one-in-a-million chances that could take place for my male and me. So many threesomes and sexy meetings running over and over in my head...I like it. I am pleased to have my imagination back. I missed it for a brief time there.
I am pleased by my job at the moment. Summer is slow time for Subway, so I have lots of time to daydream. Also, my boss is probably the nicest boss ever and has given me a very nice raise, more than expected! I will have no financial problems this summer, or next semester, for that matter. I hope that my effort warrants such treatment. I will have to step it up so I don't feel as though I am stealing! I almost wish, however, that I had gotten a job in a lab somewhere or at a company which deals with my major like my lucky male did, but I haven't really taken any Chemical Engineering courses as of yet and would probably be no help, whereas he has taken several programming classes already. Still, Subway is nice, but true work experience would be nicer.
I am slightly unhappy with the DDR Club at the moment. After the flurry of motion for a bit, I have recieved no e-mails in several days. I still need four more DDR kids to start my club. I hope I CAN get it started. I think it would be so fun and exciting! We will see. The semester is far from here yet and there is much time for things to develop.
I feel strangely in the mood to type more tonight. I have little else to say, however. For some reason I feel bad. I feel as though I need to appologize to all the people who visit this site. I just don't think my posts are worth reading sometimes. I just type and type and type about nothing and bore people nearly to death, I suspect. So many footprints, yet so few comments. What have I done? I am sorry...
I'm not just sorry for my xanga posts. I feel sorry for talking to my male's friends...I feel like they don't like me...like I am not worthwhile enough for them to care about. I feel like I need to appologize to them as well, for being a pointless, lame little creature who has attached herself to their wonderful perfect friend even though she is not worthy. Perhaps the mood will pass. I probably need sleep. I am listless. I just feel unworthy of all people, as if I am nothing. A bit diconcerting, yes indeed.
I suppose I need to stop before I become depressed slightly, even though it would be a superficial thing as I am deeply in love and nothing can touch the recesses of my true happiness, no matter how horrible, but still. I will retire to my thoughts of my Asian princess and my male as they play and tickle and touch each other as I watch, afterward coming to cuddle and massage me to sleep. Ahhh...now that is the life. I am sorry...once again...for the mediocrity that is myself sometimes. I will try to do better for everyone. I will try to do better for myself. Overall, I am only slightly above neutral, for the first time in a quite a spell.
Recent Comments