I am weakening.  It is a slow process but eventually it will
consume me.  I continually overestimate myself, later realizing
that I am a fool, but too late to remove the stress.  Why did I do
it this semester?  Why did I take all these classes?  Why did
I decide to start a whole new club and stay in the five or six that I
am already in?  It's ruining the things that are really important.

My happiness is gone.  I am now officially depressed.  I have
relatively few happy moments and they are all very brief.  Almost
all day of every day I am doing something that is concerned with
keeping an A in a class or participating in a club to boost my
resume.  Think carefully about what I have not listed.  There
must be a threshold that I have already passed, where no matter where I
apply I will get the job with the number of clubs and offices I
hold.  Do I need to continue this?  Do I need to torture my
body and mind over and over every single day as I slave over classes
that push the limits of my intelligence?  Do I need to deal with
the foolish Russian women and their uberauthoritarian paper
grading?  I want my joy back.  I would rather have it back
and have to work at McDonald's forever than to stay this way...but I
can't.  Myself won't let me fail.  No matter how hard I try
to procrastinate and give myself some free time, I always end up
filling whatever time I get with something else I "need" to do.  I
am a fool and a jerk, especially since I am not the only one who is
being affected by my poor mood.

He is sad, of course.  Seeing my delicate mental state he becomes
concerned.  I am snappy, depressed, made to cry easily, and not as
interested in sex as I usually am.  I've almost lost my will to be
intimate.  I just want to go to sleep most nights so that the next
day can come faster and be over faster.  The more I sleep, the
less I have to be awake to my self-created nightmare.  I am
ruining my relationship with him, at least in my eyes.  He is
still gently comforting me and sticking by my side, but I don't
understand why.  I suppose I would do the same for him, though, so
I shouldn't be suprised.  However, we have more slight
disagreements than we did before and now we only have sex about 3 times
a week instead of daily.  I hope I can make it to the end of this
semester before I have some kind of meltdown for lack of it.  I
wish I could just be happy.  I wish I was an art major.  I
wish I hadn't done what I did, but now it is done.  I must live
with it.  I must continue past it and remember that it is only for
a semester, and then the new semester will start and I can pick fewer
classes and a less challenging schedule.  Also, by then, the DDR
Club will not require my constant attention to stay afloat, so I will
have more time for him and us.

Speaking of the DDR Club, it is going well.  We have many members
and are starting to talk about tournaments and such.  It is really
exciting to see how many members show up to each meeting and how fun it
is getting.  Unfortunately, the only thing I don't like is that
without me, the club would fall apart.  It puts a lot of pressure
on me in that respect, but I think it is worth it.  I really enjoy
it so far and can't wait until next year when we are well established
and can do even more cool stuff!

Other than that, let me give everyone a heads-up on my status with the
ladies.  I am done with all my prospectives except for one because
they have disappointed me in one way or another.  The one that I
am still interested in is a beautiful Chinese girl.  She is
amazingly attractive and amazingly intelligent.  We keep bumping
into one another on the way to classes and two days ago she asked if I
would like to help her with her new club teaching underprivileged
children sciency stuff through cheap, fun activities.  I of course
said yes, while not entirely for humanitarian purposes.  I am
pleased to be helping the children, but I am also pleased to be
spending more time in a way that will make me look better to this hott
bisexual that I have met.  We will see how this goes and I will
try and update as the situation works itself out.

Well, that is it for me today.  I probably won't post until next
Saturday, as Saturdays are the only days where I have time to even
think about it.  I haven't even been able to play WoW for like 2
weeks.  Well, overall, I am depressed, but I know it is temporary
and what is causing it, so I am not truly depressed as I was in high
school.  Do not be alarmed, simply wish me good luck.

If anyone is interested in a free MMO where you eventually get to fly
all over the place and you look like a little 10 year old from an
anime, Flyff is your game.  It's pretty fun, but it lacks English
skills when it comes to NPC chat.  Also...I have no idea what is
going on most of the time, but for free...WHO CARES!  It's a lot
more fun than hearts for the same price!

Other than that...I have little to state...

Myspace is lame.  I'm done.  I can't take it anymore. 
Too many strange and awkward people messaging me and sending me random
friend requests.  It definitely sucked.  I'm over it.

I've been using facebook lately to find females, since people on
facebook vary more widely from the creepy or the very young.  The
one of which I spoke a couple entries ago is too much of a useless
partier for me.  I find her irritating.  She has huge
breasts, but they do not make up for the lack of a firm "I'll be yours
and only yours" attitude.  Below her right eye she has two large
freckles.  They make me smile, but again, not enough of an
enjoyment for me to continue wasting my time with her.  She is
very intelligent and we have similar attitudes on many things, but she
is just too uncommitted to be in a relationship with both me and my
male.  I need a special sort.  Another female from facebook,
one I messaged last year, randomly called me a few weeks ago.  Her
delicate state of mind frightens me, but she is needy and fragile,
someone I could control.  I like that.  I could tie her up
and have my way with her and her submissive attitude would cause her to
enjoy it I think.  Unfortunately, she is very strange and we do
not share common interests.  She is awkward and is not very
attractive in the face.  Her body is very slight and I have a
feeling her little bones would stick out every which way when
naked.  Unfortunate indeed...  Finally, I searched for an
Asian, a beautiful bisexual Asian to enjoy.  I found one.  We
went to Panera and discussed many things.  She is the closest
yet.  If only I hadn't dropped that I had a boyfriend in a moment
of weakness.  She is beautiful, intelligent and I want to see her
again.  Her face was that of my ideal intelligent Asian, but not
that of the schoolgirl Asian which I would also go for.  She was
skinny and had breasts nontheless.  She is older though, close to
graduation.  Even though the difference is only two years, it
seems evident that she is more mature that me.  I am not sure I
can wrangle her or if it is even a possibility.  She also seems as
though she is not the kind to share herself with two people...it is sad
indeed for me.

My male and I are doing well.  I find him increasingly submissive
and loving every day.  I like to be in control when it comes to
sexual activity.  It turns me on to think of others as my sexual
servants as I make them moan and sigh.  I wouldn't enjoy another
dominant creature in the mix.  He gave me permission to order a
strap-on anal dildo for him.  I've never felt anything like that
before.  As I gently pressed it into him, I felt the pressure
against my pelvis and I wondered if this was what he felt every time he
was inside me.  It was the most amazing thing I have ever
felt.  Sometimes I wish I could have a penis, just for a few
minutes, so that I could see what it was like to do all the things that
males do.  We bought a hentai yesterday called Dragon Pink. 
If you are in the mood for something silly and don't want to get off,
you should buy it too.  I did enjoy it for the little cat girl
that was in it.  It got me thinking about that manga "Loveless"
and how hott it would be if my male were to have a little kitty tale
and ears.  Upon stating this, he began meowing to me and making a
purring sound as he rubbed his body against mine (we were naked of
course, since it was hentai time).  I don't know why but it was
soo hott.  I instantly became very very ready for action. 
Ah, my male, so perfect in every way.  Other than all that naughty
stuff, he has been very supportive.  I have been stressed lately
and have not been able to spend as much time with him as I would like
(which would be 24/7, but that is not possible), but he has been very
kind and loving through it all.  I have been emotional as well and
he still endures it, comforting me and holding me gently.  Without
him I am nothing.  I need him for survival.  He is embedded
in my soul and cannot be removed except by perhaps years of
mistreatment to erase all that he has built in my heart.  We are
one.  When will I find the female that can become one with both of
us?  I do not know.  I hope it is soon.

College has brought up many questions that I am hard pressed to
answer.  My classes are quite hard this semester and I am
beginning to think that I am reaching my threshold of
intelligence.  I am currently in a classroom for 23 hours of the
day.  These include Physics 2 with lab, Chemistry 3 with lab,
Calculus 3 with mathematica labs, Russian Civilization with a writing
intensive stigma, and Foundations of Family Studies, my slack off class
with extra honors time on Sundays for 2 hours. I study for those
classes for another 30 hours per week, including reading, doing
homework, working in labs, meeting with T. A.'s and all of that. 
I sleep for 7 hours per night.  This really cuts down on the time
that I can spend relaxing and having sex.  I have also started a
DDR club.  It is fun and I am glad I started it, but I notice
myself becoming less and less sociable.  I notice it too in other
activities and at other times.  Am I losing the will to make new
friends with the knowledge that I do not need them with my male
around?  Have I become a recluse, hoping only for the day when all
other people disappear from my life except my male and (hopefully)
female?  I just keep thinking of WoW and how they all remind me of
NPC's.  They seem to have tailored responses that they produce
each time you talk to them.  At least they aren't trying to sell
me swords.  I saw a boy the other day with a shirt that said NPC
on it.  My heart jumped.  I was scared.  Sometimes I
almost feel that I am losing touch with reality.  I need some kind
of doctor of the brain...or perhaps I just need to quit being such a
hard worker and go get drunk for the first time.  I don't
know...  Also, I am beginning to think that I may not want to be a
chemical engineer.  I kind of want to major in human
sexuality.  It interests me greatly and I think maybe I could help
others with the same nymphonic traits as myself.  It's a hard life
when everything you think of is sexual.  So I suppose what my
point is, is that I am in turmoil and I am becoming more confused with
each passing day.

I wonder if anyone will read this, after my long sabbatical.  I
suppose I don't really care.  You are all just NPC's, you people
who leave footprints without comments.  Go and sell your healing
potions and give your quests to someone else!  *shakes fist in
air*  Damn NPC kids!  Stay off my lawn!